


Hope (Attack on Titan X Reader (Levi X Reader X Eren)) (On hiatus until Winter 2020)

by KireinaAi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22622263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KireinaAi/pseuds/KireinaAi
Summary: "As long you are alive there is hope".She grabbed your hand."As long as you are alive that means there is hope for you to see a better world.Don't ever forget that, don't ever let anyone take that from you.And,"She paused and looked straight into your eyes."go spread that hope to anyone you can reach."************Maybe it's crazy. Naive. Stupid. To have hope in a hopeless world. But as long as you are alive you will hold onto any glimmer of hope. For humanity, for a brighter future, for yourself.
Relationships: Eren Yeager/Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 23
Kudos: 109





	1. Author's Note

Hello all! This is my very first fanfic, although I have had this idea and been building on it for quite some time. 

It should stay fairly canon at least through Season 3 of the anime and a bit further into the manga but obviously I may change it a bit for the stories sake. And depending on where Isayama takes the story it may trail off further down the line (I am not caught up on the manga, and Isayama always has twists and surprises).

A couple things I wanted to mention though. 

There will be some mentions of sensitive topics like rape or violence throughout the story. I am not planning on getting too detailed, particularly with the former, but they will be mentioned. As such, I will be putting a trigger warning notice at the start and end of any sections in the chapter that mention or describe these topics, so please feel free to skip over those parts if these are sensitive subjects for you.

Secondly, I will not be giving you an exact age but I am writing mainly as you being a few years older than Eren (3-4ish years) as I am not comfortable having Levi developing a romantic relationship with a minor that much younger than him (you are young when you first meet him though, this story begins a bit before the start of the main AoT storyline). You can be however old you are though or however old you choose to be lol there just may be some parts where you are written as around that age range. It’s easier for me to write you that way, I’m sorry!

Third, No Regrets is NOT factored into/canon in this storyline. Levi’s meeting of Erwin (and you) will be a little different. So there is no Isabel or Furlan in Levi’s past in this storyline. Sorry! There MAY be a mention of another character (essentially just use of his name) from No Regrets but it will not matter if you have read or watched it, as the No Regrets storyline does not factor into this one at all, only the fact that Levi was born in the underground. 

Lastly, I do not own Attack on Titan or any of its characters. They belong to Hajime Isayama. 

And obviously I do not own you! :) 

Also, in case you are new to X readers:

Y/N = Your first name  
L/N = Last name  
E/C = Eye Color  
H/C = Hair Color

Added note/clarification, this will be a long story. It is a Levi x Reader x Eren but not every single chapter will have Levi and/or Eren, which is why I have also noted it as an Attack on Titan x Reader in the title. Also Eren (and the rest of the scouts) will not show up for some time, as this story begins before the start of the main Attack on Titan storyline, but I promise Eren does/will come! Levi is in the story from early on but he is not meant to be written as a romantic interest right away as reader is fairly young at the very beginning, but you can interpret it how you want!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!


	2. Alone (Prologue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Inside or outside of the castle, you were alone._
> 
> _You thought it might always be that way._
> 
> _Until that day._

_"As long as you are alive there is hope"_

************

You grabbed the glass of water he handed you and chugged it. You would never get used to the disgusting taste of the medicine.

"Why can't medicine taste good" you complained, swinging your legs off the edge of the bed in the castle's infirmary.

He chuckled and took the glass back.

"I'm sorry princess" he replied.

You huffed, "Grisha, please do not call me that".

You knew he had to when other people were around. But you were alone now.

You hated your title as much as you hated being in these walls. Trapped by more than wall Sheena, you felt trapped by the walls of the castle.

The only child of the king of the walls, the only heir your mother provided before she passed away.

************

Your mother saw you as her biggest blessing. She did not believe she could get pregnant.

She was sick, something she had kept hidden from the king. It was easy since Grisha would forge her medical documents.

She chose Grisha as her personal doctor. As far as you were aware, they had known each other for forever. But due to what little you knew about your mother's past it made you a little suspicious about him.

Your mom never discussed her past in depth with you before she passed but you always felt as if she was hiding something.

She had been no noble. She was a nobody. Just another whore found in the underground when she was brought to the king to appease him. But somehow she had charmed him.

Your grandparents had begged your father not to marry her. He was the king. He needed to marry a respectable woman, from a noble class. But your mother's beauty was unmatched and he had already made his decision.

You had been told he was once kind to her. But as time started to pass, and she continued to not provide an heir, he became angry.

It became harder and harder for her to hide her illness.

Your father became impatient and demanded Grisha be called back to the inner city.

Normally the queen's doctor would live in the castle with her, but your mother had allowed him to live outside the inner wall.

After checking on her, Grisha told the king your mother seemed to be becoming ill and he believed this was causing her to be unable to become pregnant.

But he knew.

He knew your mother had been sick far before the marriage.

He knew she likely couldn't get pregnant.

Grisha had always known.

_And you later became the only one to know he knew._

But a few weeks later, your mother learned she had become pregnant.

She and Grisha were shocked. The king delighted.

It was short lived however. Her body soon rejected the pregnancy.

Your mother was sad. She did not love the king, but she had actually become excited at the prospect of being a mother when she thought that it was not even a possibility.

Grisha was not surprised. And honestly a bit relieved. He was certain the pregnancy or birth would kill her.

But your father. Your father had hope now.

*******Trigger Warning*******

He was relentless. Grisha warned him the miscarriage had weakened your already fragile mother more but he did not care.

He did not care if your mother was in pain or felt weak. He would take her every night.

Grisha would always have to deal with the aftermath. All he could do was ease the pain with his ointments and remedies in the morning.

*******End Trigger Warning*******

Your mother miraculously fell pregnant again. It took some time for her to tell the king as she figured it would quickly be rejected again.

But weeks passed. Her stomach began to grow and she was feeling weaker with each passing day. Eventually she told him and Grisha confirmed the news.

Your father ordered her to bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. She barely had any interaction with anyone at all other than her handmaids and Grisha.

Your father did not want to do anything with her to avoid losing the pregnancy again. And that was basically all she had become good for to him. To the rest of the world she was the queen but to him she had just become his whore again. Certainly he would not waste time taking care of her or making her comfortable. That was Grisha's job anyway.

You came early. Much too early.

Your mother lost so much blood.

You were so tiny.

If it had been any of the royal doctors you probably wouldn't have survived. But your mom had chosen the best.

Grisha somehow managed to save both you and your mom.

But he would have to keep you guys in the infirmary for weeks.

Your father did not come to visit your mother once.

And he certainly did not want to come see you.

After all this effort to finally get an heir he had received a daughter. He wanted a son. A true heir.

He did not even try to hide his disappointment.

When Grisha divulged that it seemed you inherited your mother's illness, this disappointment only grew.

Between the sickness and being born so prematurely you were so tiny. So fragile. So delicate.

As soon as your mother was well enough, your father was once again relentless.

But your mother was never again able to fall pregnant.

Your mother loved you with every fiber of her being. You were her miracle.

She gave you three things.

A curse. A blessing. And a treasure.

The curse of her illness. Everyone always treated you like a frail doll. You were expected to stay in the castle, where the Military Police could make sure you were safe. You even had one specifically designated to accompany you around whenever you were not in your room. Attending to your studies, getting a snack, you felt suffocated. Your father may have despised you but you were his only heir.

The blessing of your last name. You hated your father. Your mother decided to give you her maiden last name at your birth. You were ecstatic you did not have to be a Fritz. Your father did not care. He was glad not to have his last name attached to something so weak and it would change when you were married off to a noble anyway. That was the only thing he expected you to be good for.

And your treasure. The only physical piece of her you had left. A locket. Your most prized possession. You never took off but kept it tucked under your shirt at all times as to hide it. It was not the locket itself that was the most important thing. And you couldn't keep that hidden, the chains were always visible on your neck. But it was what the locket held that you cherished so deeply. You opened it only in the dead of night when you were sure no one else was around and the loneliness consumed you. When you opened it you could see your mother so clearly. It was much better than any drawing or painting could ever be.

 _"It's called a photograph"_ She had told you the first time you gazed upon it.

But she made you promise to never let anyone see. To never let anyone know.

You didn't understand how this photograph thing was possible, and she sometimes said things to you that did not make much sense. But you promised to keep all the secrets she confided in you, even when you didn't understand.

You were only 9 when she passed. You felt so alone.

Your father did not attend the funeral. There was a public memorial for the passing of the queen. Obviously duty and expectation meant he had to attend that. But that was all.

The private burial was attended only by you and Grisha.

Yes, you still had Grisha. He had been your doctor since birth. But you did not trust him.

You were heavily suspicious on how he had known an unknown whore from the underground. The only friend your mother had had.

You were suspicious of your mother's past too and if he had known her for so long it made you suspicious of his as well.

And he was a great doctor, you could not deny that. The best doctor within the walls you believed. He had saved many inhabitants when an epidemic broke out. But much more experienced doctors had not been able to find a cure, and he had. How did he seem to know or discover much more than even the prestigious royal doctors?

Besides, by the time your mother passed Grisha had a family of his own. Your mother said he had a son a couple years younger than you.

He still came to visit you quite often though, for checkups and treatments. You figured it would have just been easier for him to come live in the inner city instead of traveling so much but he chose to stay in Shiganshina.

_You would later come to learn you were justified in your suspicions of Grisha Yeager. He too would put the burden of keeping secrets on you._

You did not have much of a relationship with your father. He had his duties as a king and saw you as weak.

You felt the same about him. He had the title of king but really the nobles decided everything. He didn't say much in the few meetings that you were permitted to begin attending as you got older. And all he did was drink.

In the walls of the castle you were alone.

You did not want to stay stuck forever in the walls of the castle or the cities. Your mother had read you books about a world beyond the walls. With flaming water, lands of ice, and a huge body of water with an unlimited amount of salt called the ocean. You wanted to see the ocean before you died.

You wanted to get out of these walls before you died. Even if getting out of the walls is what killed you. You didn't want to die within these walls no matter what.

And you knew if you stayed within the castle you would always be alone. But maybe, just maybe, outside of the castle walls you could feel a little less alone. Outside of the castle there was a chance, there was hope.

So you decided to start by getting outside the walls of the castle.

The tricky part was sneaking past your personal guard. But after that it was easy.

You were an embarrassment to your father and as such he mainly kept you hidden. The citizens did not know what you looked like, even most of the military police did not know what you actually looked like.

Sneaking out of the castle become a regular occurrence for you.

It was surprisingly easy. When you did not have studies to partake in you mostly reserved yourself to your room and no one bothered you there. Your bedroom was on the second floor of the castle but with your small and nimble body you were able to easily climb down.

You may be frail but you were agile and quick. And your tiny size made it easy to hide from military police out patrolling around the castle. You would always wear some sort of hooded cape though so you could quickly hide your face just in case.

You felt free outside of the castle.

But you were reminded how alone you were each time you ventured out.

Every time you went out you could see those that had others that cared about them. Families out and about together. Brothers and sisters fighting. Couples holding hands. Parents guiding their children.

Your time outside of the castle was a welcome distraction. But each night you would come back and the loneliness would consume you again. You would open your locket and stare at your mother's face until the tears would lull you to sleep.

Inside or outside of the castle, you were alone.

You thought it might always be that way.

Until that day.

After a few years of exploring outside the castle you became bored. You had already seen everything there was to see in the city. You wanted to see more.

You had two options.

You could try to sneak outside of wall Sheena, or you could sneak into the underground.

Both would be risky.

But you figured sneaking into the underground would be much easier than trying to get past the wall guards. There were guards for the underground, but they wouldn't be watching for people to sneak down. Most people try to sneak out, not in.

You would take your chances at entering the underground.

You knew that it was dangerous down there, especially for a child such as yourself. But you didn't care. You wanted to see more.

You wanted to actually see it instead of just hearing the awful stories about it.

And you wanted to know. You wanted to know the area your mother had been living in before she became trapped in the castle.

What was it like? What would you see? What would you find? You wondered all these things.

But what you never expected to find in the dark, dangerous underground is something that would make you feel a little less alone.

But you did.

You found him.

The thug. 

**Levi.**


	3. Empathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Dammit!"_ you thought to yourself as you ducked between the houses, _"What the hell is Erwin Smith doing in the underground!?"_

You had managed to sneak into the underground.

You walked around periodically pulling the hood of your cape down over your head.

Not that anyone down here would have any idea who you were, but you didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to yourself. You were a young girl from above ground, the underground was a dangerous place to be wandering around. You weren't stupid.

Well, maybe you were for coming down in here in the first place but curiosity had gotten the better of you.

Your mother had lived down here.

People lived down here.

You had heard stories about the crime infested area below the city, full of thugs and prostitutes. The people above talked about them as if the people below were scum. Lowlifes.

But they were people.

And honestly you were more afraid of the nobles then petty thugs or criminals.

The nobles were cold and ruthless. Only caring about power and wealth, even though they had more than enough.

Most of the people in the underground probably just did whatever was necessary to get by and survive down here.

Looking around you saw so many hungry and sick looking people.

You felt a knot in your stomach.

You already felt guilty just hearing what it was like down here, but seeing it was a whole different story.

You knew most of these people had never been able to feel the sun on their skin. 

How many of them had never even seen the sun?

You wanted to help them. Ration out the food up above. Allow them access to the medical care you received.

But what could you do?

Yes, you were the princess, but no one listened to you. You had no authority, and you never would. Even when you got older, you knew that would not change.

You would be married off to a noble man, who would help rule over the walls, and you.

The knot tightened.

You certainly would not have survived down here, with your already frail body.

No, it was only due to the fact you were lucky enough to have been born above ground that you were alive.

Your body may be weak. You may even look feeble to the people above ground. But you did not look outright sickly like so many of the people here.

You had access to proper nourishment. You had access to the best doctors. You had access to the warmth of the sun.

"Momma, I'm so hungry" you heard a meek voice say, snapping you from your thoughts.

You turned to see a young boy in rags. You guessed he was around 3 or 4, but it was hard to distinguish how old he may actually be. He looked severely malnourished. And he was dirty.

He clearly had not had a bath in quite a long time.

Had those rags ever been washed?

"I know, sweetie. I'm so sorry," the woman holding his hand said.

She looked.... So young. She can't have been much older then you.

Which means, if that was her child, she was only about your age when she...

Was she even younger then you when she had?

The thought made you sick when you realized it was not her choice.

"But mommy has work tonight, so I will be able to buy us food after."

Work.

The work she had to do to feed her child.

You felt a new sadness wash over you.

You were torn. You were a princess. Your whole worth was placed on you staying pure. You were expected to only satisfy your future husband. You didn't particularly care for that. But you did want to be in love. You wanted to share that with someone who you cared about and who actually cared about you. Yet, you knew it would only end up being your royal duty.

You did not see the woman in front of you as any less valuable than you, even if she had been doing it for enjoyment and not because she was forced to.

But she _was_ forced to. And that is what made you feel nauseated.

She just did what she had to do to get by down here.

And now she had to do whatever she must to help her child survive.

You hesitantly approached them, unconsciously pulling down on your hood.

She turned to you, and immediately put her hand out in front of her son when you reached into a pocket in your cape.

You stopped.

You realized she probably took you as somewhat of a threat. Everyone must be considered a threat down here.

And it didn't help that you probably looked so tense. You were extremely nervous too and had your mouth clenched.

You softened your face, "I'm not going to hurt him, or you". You gave her a shy smile and pulled out a small loaf of bread.

It wasn't much. You certainly wished you had something more. More nutritious then a lousy loaf of bread.

But it was easy to sneak out of the kitchen and you knew you should probably bring something to eat down here in case you started feeling weak.

It was probably for the best anyway. You wished you could have provided them with something special, maybe even meat. But that would have definitely given you away.

For all she knew you were just another low level thief from down here.

She looked at you hesitantly.

"It's safe, I didn't do anything to it" you tried to explain. You tore off a tiny piece of it and ate it to show that it wasn't poisoned.

She smiled back at you and lowered her arm from in front of the little boy.

You crouched down in front of him and extended him the bread.

He greedily ripped it from you and started scarfing it down.

"Shota!" His mother exclaimed, "Say thank you!"

You raised your hand, "No, it's okay. Please don't worry about it."

You felt sad. You felt guilty. You did not want to be thanked for something so minor when you had more than enough.

Suddenly you heard a clank above you.

You looked up just in time to see a hook disconnect from a building nearby and a blur disappear around the corner.

_Was that.... 3DMG?! In the underground?!_

The woman suddenly grabbed the young boy's hand and began leaving the area quickly.

"That thug again," she muttered. She turned back to you, "aren't you coming?"

You paused a moment, unsure why she was leaving so quickly. The underground was full of thugs and criminals. And if she was worried about this one in particular, well he was already gone.

"I think I'm okay, I have something I need to take care of" you said, trying to not sound confused but holding your breath a bit.

"Well just be careful, you know that more trouble is going to be coming if he came past."

"Oh yes of course, I'm sure his pursuers will be coming through any minute," you replied, hoping that's what she meant.

She nodded at you and disappeared down an ally. You breathed a sigh of relief, having apparently played it off well enough.

It seemed that was the case, she was worried about whoever would be coming after him. 

You could follow after him, deeper into the underground and hopefully stay ahead of his pursuers, or head back towards the way you came down and pass by them.

_They are looking for whoever that was, not me._

You decided to call it a day and head back towards the way you came in. They shouldn't bother you if they were after someone else, and you didn't want to risk getting caught in a scuffle between the thugs further in the city. You turned to head back.

You caught a flash of emerald green come around a building towards you, and you only had a split second to react.

_Dammit!_

You jumped between two houses, pulling your hood down tighter over your head and face.

You looked back just in time to see him come past where you were.

_What the hell is Erwin Smith doing in the underground!?_

You saw a couple more scouts fly by. They all were solely focused ahead, chasing whoever had come past earlier. You breathed a sigh of relief. They hadn't paid any attention to you.

_But what the hell are scouts doing in the underground!? Because of a mere thug??_

After a moment you saw a few military police also zoom past on their maneuver gear.

Once you were sure everyone was gone you stepped back out from between the houses. You definitely needed to get out of here.

Very few people knew what you looked like.

But Erwin Smith was one of those few.

You had seen him in a couple of the meetings you were permitted to observe.

You were not quite sure why they were allowing you to attend some. It's not like you would be allowed to partake or voice any opinions or concerns.

The scouts were almost never included.

It was mainly meetings amongst the nobles and the heads of the other parts of the military - Dhakus Zachary, Nile Dawks, and sometimes Dot Pixis.

The nobles did not like the scouts.

But alas they had to be kept in the loop on some things. The very few times Commander Keith Shadis had come to meet with the nobles and king, he brought Erwin with him.

You weren't sure how you felt about him. You respected the scout regiment. They were actually the only branch you respected. And he was one of their best captains. People talked and you heard many say that he was even better than Shadis and should be the Commander instead.

But he also never said a word. It wasn't really his place to, he was mainly there to observe as well. But he never said _anything_. And he was so hard for you to read.

You stood in the middle of the walkway and started back the way you were originally going, but stopped.

You looked back towards where the thug, the scouts, and the military police had disappeared.

_How did that man get hold of 3DMG down here? Why were the scouts and military police chasing him? He must be more dangerous than the average thug if the military police had gone so far as to enlist some help from the scout regiment._

The last thought made you smile. You were sure it had been hard for the MP's to admit they needed help from the scouts with the simple task of arresting a thug. You would have loved to have been there for that request. You were sure they squirmed as they were forced to swallow their pride and essentially admit the scouts were better by asking them for assistance.

Curiosity was once again getting the better of you.

You changed your mind and decided to make the risky decision of following where they all had gone a moment before, and seeing if you were able to catch up to them.

After a few moments you found them.

It appears they had caught him.

You hid behind a building and saw that a MP officer was standing in front of the man, looking down on him. 

You did not like the look of the scene.

He was getting arrested for his crimes, sure. But all the people above the ground looked down on the people in the underground, and seeing a physical representation of it right before your eyes caused a slight flicker of anger in you.

You inwardly groaned when you realized the MP in front of the man was Waltz, Nile's aide.

_Great, there's two people down here that know who I am._

Two other MP's you had not seen before stood behind the man, who was on his knees with his hands cuffed behind his back.

Erwin and two other scouts stood off to the side.

"I will ask you one more time, how were you able to get hold of military equipment down here?" Waltz questioned, gesturing to the 3DMG one of the scouts was holding.

The man gave no reply.

He appeared to be around his mid 20's. He looked much better than most of the other people you had seen down here. He obviously had learned to survive well enough. He must be strong, you thought.

Waltz kicked him across the face and you clenched up.

The man turned right back to him and glared at him, almost unfazed.

"Fine, it's clear we aren't going to get anything out of you" Waltz stated. He started to reach for his gun and your eyes widened.

_What the hell?! He's not going to kill a man without taking him to the jail and trial first, is he??_

"What are you doing?" One of the scouts behind Erwin asked.

"He's clearly not going to tell us anything," Waltz replied. "And he's just a lowlife thug."

You gritted your teeth.

"He's a nobody."

You clenched your fists.

_Yes, that's what they think. The people of the underground are nobody's. Like your mother was._

"Nobody will know or care what happens to him." Waltz added as he started to pull his gun out.

You were shaking now. You felt your blood boiling.

You looked at the MP's. You looked at the scouts. You looked at Erwin, who was expressionless. No one seemed to be making a move to do anything.

_Why?! Simply because he was unlucky enough to have been born in the underground? Because he's a fucking thug?_

_No._

_He's a human too!_

Your feet moved faster than your brain.

Your mother had always praised you, saying you were an empathetic person. But you didn't understand how you were any kinder than anyone else. You believed that most of the people outside the castle would value human life as much as you do.

Clearly you were wrong.

"No point in wasting taxpayer mo-" Waltz was cut off right as he pointed the gun at the man.

"STOP!" You screamed as you jumped between Waltz and the man.


	4. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want to feel the warmth of the sun?” you asked. 
> 
> He stared at you, still emotionless. Except for a brief moment. You almost missed it. 
> 
> But you saw it. 
> 
> You saw it flash in his eyes.
> 
> _Hope._

You glared up at him, anger etched into your face. Your arms outstretched to the side. The gun pointed right up against your chest.

Your hood had fallen off your head. Your (H/C) locks falling wildly over your face. 

Waltz became paralyzed for a moment before his eyes grew wide.

“What the hell do you think you are doing little girl,” one of the MP’s behind you said, moving forward. 

Just as he placed a hand on your shoulder Waltz came to. 

“P- p- princess!?” he stuttered out, bewildered. He quickly dropped his arm.

The MP who had approached you froze in place. “What?!” 

But you ignored him and continued glaring at Waltz, not budging despite the removal of the gun.

“What are you doing down here” Waltz demanded after a few seconds, still trying to wrap his head around everything that was happening. 

When you didn’t answer, he suddenly become angry. “Do you know how dangerous it is for a girl down here?! Especially a beautiful, young, frail girl such as yourself?”

“Well if it’s like this for a man twice my age, I can imagine.” You said through gritted teeth, cocking your head back slightly at the prisoner behind you. 

Waltz looked taken aback. 

“I know you were not about to murder a man, without prior authorization from higher up” you continued. Your eyes still piercing him. 

It was silent for a moment before Waltz recollected himself. 

“Princess, this _man_ is one of the most notorious thugs down here. You can’t even imagine some of the things he’s probably done.” He replied.

“In order to survive.” You simply said. 

Waltz gaped at you.

You finally broke eye contact and looked around. 

The MP officer who had approached you was still frozen where he had stopped. The other officer still stood behind the man, his mouth hanging open. You looked down at the man. He was staring straight up at you now, his eyes full of…. hatred?

You were a bit taken aback and felt yourself recoil a bit under his intense glare. But for some reason you couldn’t quite look away.

After what felt like several minutes, although you were sure it was only a few seconds, you heard the clearing of a throat behind you.

You snapped out of it and turned to face the scouts. 

The two scouts behind Erwin had traces of shock left behind on their faces and seemed unsure of what to do. But Erwin, he remained unreadable to you. 

Finally Waltz spoke again, “so what? You want us to go throw him in a jail cell to rot?”

_Was he asking you?_

You looked at him and he was looking right back at you as if waiting for an answer.

_I guess so._

You thought for a moment before responding to him. 

“I have a better idea,” You slowly said.

He continued looking at you, indicating he was waiting for you to go on. You were a bit surprised. No one had ever asked your opinion.

“Well what if…” you trailed off and looked at Erwin. “What if he joined the scout regiment?”

_Was that a hint of surprise I saw flash across his face?_

If it was it was brief. It was obvious on the faces of the two behind him though. 

“Let a thug join the military?” Waltz asked, baffled by your suggestion. 

“Yes, as a scout. He is already clearly more than proficient with 3DMG. And he must be strong to be doing so well down here. He would not need near as much training as a new recruit, if he needs any at all. He may prove to be quite an asset.” You explained. 

“And if not then he will simply become titan food, so you don’t have to waste taxpayer money on a trial or to have him sitting in jail,” you continued before Waltz could argue back. You hated saying that. It made you feel cold, even though that was not at all what you intended. But you knew that may get Waltz to consider.

“W-wait a minute my lady!” a scout interjected. “Yes he does appear to be strong and handled the maneuver gear exceptionally well but that’s not all there is to being a scout! We rely on each other out there. We have to put full trust in our comrades and he does not seem like one who would work well with us.”

He seemed like he was about to continue on when Erwin suddenly raised his hand in front of the scout. 

“Erwin?” the scout questioned. 

“I understand your concern Mike but I think she may have a point.”

_Was he actually listening to you?_

You mouth fell open. 

_Maybe he wasn’t so bad._

He was the one you had to convince, he was the highest ranking scout here and you knew if he agreed to it Shadis would as well.

“But sir,” Mike interjected again, “he has no idea how the world above ground works. He may not need much training to battle. But he will need to learn about the world and how to interact with others, at least well enough for us to battle alongside him.”

“You have a point,” Erwin replied. 

Your heart sank.

“I have an idea,” he continued after a moment. 

“Where is her bodyguard?” he questioned while motioning to me.

_What?!_

You shot your eyes to his face. 

_Where is this headed…_

“Yes, where indeed” you heard Waltz say behind you as you briefly looked back at him. A look of annoyance on his face.

_Oops. He’s going to get in trouble._

“This is definitely not your first time sneaking out. How long have you been sneaking out for, princess?” Erwin added, and you detected the slightest drip of sarcasm on the last word.

You jerked your head back to look at his face.

_Was that a smirk?? What the hell Erwin, I am going to get in even more trouble now too!_

You inwardly groaned, _what are you playing at?_

“I am assuming she will be needing a new bodyguard,” he continued.

_Oh. Now I know exactly where this is headed._

“Of cou-“ Waltz started, stopping when the sudden realization settled in. “Him?! Are you out of your mind Erwin?” 

“I see it as a benefit for both of us. He will need to learn how to interact with others first.” Erwin replied.

_He can learn how to interact with anyone else, why was Erwin trying to throw the guy at you? You felt like there was something else he wanted to say._

“And how is letting a thug watch over our princess a win for us?” Waltz inquired. 

“Well no disrespect intended,” he answered with a tone that implied he didn’t actually care if Waltz took offense, “but her own personal bodyguard is not the only MP she slipped past right? There would have been many others out patrolling around the castle that she also would have had to slip past.”

Waltz’s face turned slightly red. 

“Obviously she’s a little sneakier than any of your men expected,” he continued. “She needs someone who can match her level of cleverness.”

You did not like the way this was turning out. 

You could tell Waltz that you weren’t comfortable with the man being your bodyguard. He would immediately agree and not allow it. 

It’s not that you were uncomfortable with the man, but Erwin had a point. He was probably much more sly than any of the MP’s and you weren’t sure if you would stand a chance at sneaking out again. 

You didn’t want to go back to being trapped in the castle.

But any MP they reassign is going to be overly watchful now. If you thought you felt suffocated before, you were sure it was going to be much worse now. 

And you did want to give the man a chance above ground. 

This was the first time you had ever spoken up and it had resulted in you being able to actually help someone. He was getting a chance to get out of the underground, and not just to be thrown into prison or sentenced to death. 

“I am sure the princess would not be comfo-“ 

“I’m fine with it,” you cut Waltz off again. 

“Princess,” he started. “Th-“

_“Who the fuck says I agree to any of this.”_

You all turned to the man still kneeling on the ground. 

_He looks so angry._

“Watch your mouth, scum” Waltz spat.

“I don’t have any desire to babysit a fucking kid,” he foamed.

“I am NOT a kid” you replied. 

_Don’t do this. Please don’t do this. Don’t ruin this chance._

He glared at you and you slowly began walking towards him.

“Princess,” the MP behind him began but you raised your hand and then outstretched it. 

“The key,” you simply said. 

“I don’t think that’s a go-“ the other MP started.

“The key,” you demanded again. 

The MP behind the man placed it in your hand. 

You kneeled down in front of the man.

“What’s your name?”

“I am not playing your stupid games little gi- “

“You will refer to her as your highness or your lady” Waltz sharply interjected. “See princess, and Erwin? This is not going to work.”

“She is not my fucking princess. The royals don’t give shit about us down here!” He spat, glaring at the MP.

Your head dropped.

The familiar knot from earlier reappearing in your stomach. 

“I am not going to be some little bitch’s slave! I-”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered so quietly you were surprised it reached his ears. He stopped and looked back down at you thinking he misheard. 

You lifted your head back up looking him straight in the eyes. His harsh grey eyes faltered. 

Your soft (E/C) eyes were laced with genuine guilt and sorrow. 

You held the key up in front of him. 

“Please let me help you,” you whispered softly so no one else could hear. 

His face was now stoic. But at least his eyes did not cast hatred at you.

“Do you want to feel the warmth of the sun?” you asked. 

He stared at you, still emotionless. Except for a brief moment. You almost missed it. 

But you saw it. 

You saw it flash in his eyes.

_Hope._

He gave the slightest nod. 

You moved behind him and unlocked his cuffs, then stood up and stepped back. He followed your lead.

You turned towards Erwin and Waltz. “Well I guess we need to head back up” was all you said. 

They nodded and turned to leave. The MP’s moved past you and followed the scouts. 

You stood behind the man for a moment but he did not move. 

Erwin turned back and looked at you both. 

You decided to step around him hoping he would follow. 

As you walked past him he spoke softly.

“It’s Levi.”

“Huh?” You inquired, turning your head to the side, facing him.

“My name. It’s Levi.”

He turned to look at you when you didn’t immediately reply and saw you smiling up at him.

“Nice to meet you Levi” you said, still smiling. 

He gave a curt nod and walked forward. 

You followed him, on your way out of the underground.


	5. Worth Fighting For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He finally replied. “Do you think a man like that is easily deceived?”
> 
> “What?” You asked, confused.
> 
> “Why would anyone willingly ride into the possibility of such a gruesome death?”
> 
> You were still confused, “For humanity. For a chance at a future without the titans. To help protect and save humanity.”
> 
> “Does humanity deserve to be protected?”

“Absolutely not. What were you thinking Waltz, are you an idiot?”

You sighed.

“You’re right sir” he replied, downcast.

You stood behind Waltz, slightly off to his side and glanced to Erwin who was next to you. The other scouts and MP’s had been dismissed.

“Well if you understand than take this thug and put him in a cell.”

“Levi.” You finally spoke up.

“Excuse me?”

“He has a name. It’s Levi,” you replied.

Nile turned his gaze to you.

“Excuse me?” he repeated.

“Are you deaf or are you stupid?” you asked.

Waltz’s mouth fell open.

 _“Excuse me?”_ he asked, exasperated.

“Ah, definitely stupid. Do you know any other words?”

Nile’s face quickly filled with a look of irritation.

You started to regret your words. You may be the princess but speaking to the commander of the Military Police like that is probably not something he would let slide, especially when you were already on thin ice for being in the underground in the first place. But you did not let the sudden uncertainty show on your face.

“If I may,” Erwin spoke from beside you.

Nile looked to him but said nothing. Erwin took this as approval to continue.

“She gave some valid reasoning when she suggested handing him over to us. He is just one man but I, too, think he may prove to be someone useful to humanity.”

Nile suspired.

“I will take your opinion into consideration Erwin. We will have a trial as normal, but I will put forth the possibility for him to join the scouts as an alternative option for sentencing. But if they choose to allow that, it is on you to integrate him into your group. It is not our responsibility. And no one would ever allow a thug to get so close to our princess as to be her personal bodyguard.”

_That is for sure. Even if he had agreed, if it got out to the nobles or your father that Levi was a thug from the underground they would not allow it._

_But Erwin does not have the time to help integrate Levi._

You thought about the scout, Mike, who was insistent that he would not work well with them. This was probably true, the way he was now. Even if Erwin agreed to take him against his fellow scout’s protests, if he did not work well with them he would be as good as titan food.

Even if he was strong, no one could survive outside the walls all by themselves. You didn’t want to send him to his death out there all alone.

Your heart clenched at the thought.

That is the one thing you never wanted anyone to experience. To feel all alone when they died.

Soldiers died on every expedition, but the scouts were a tight knit group. They would do whatever it took to fight for their comrades until the very end. You were sure many of them felt extreme terror those last few seconds before they were eaten, but at least they had their friends and comrades out there with them. Or the comforting thought of loved ones still within the walls.

You looked at Levi’s back, standing on the opposite side of Waltz, his hands once again cuffed.

But if he went out there now, knowing the scouts would not accept him, he would be all alone if he got caught by one of those _things_.

The titans did not particularly scare you. Because death did not particularly scare you. Perhaps you could only say that because you hadn’t actually seen one. But, you could not imagine the pain of feeling completely alone in your last moments.

_No, that’s not right._

You **could** imagine what that must feel like. After your mother died you thought about it often.

She had been the only person you had in this world. When she passed, you thought about how it would be if you died within the walls of the castle. You didn’t have anyone else. You would feel all alone. That _did_ scare you. It is something you desperately did not want to feel in your last moments.

It is something you wanted to ensure no one else felt in theirs.

For some reason Erwin had entrusted you to take on the task of helping Levi integrate into the world above ground. But what could you do now if Nile was not going to allow it. He was going to send him to trial and wouldn’t even consider letting Levi be your bodyguard.

_The trial!_

You glanced at Erwin, and smirked as an idea popped into your head.

His eyes flickered to you briefly.

“So are you going to tell them who caught the thug?” you asked.

“What?” Nile questioned.

“In the trial, you will need to detail his capture and arrest, right?”

“Yes, we will tell them about how the military police captured him.”

“ _Oh?_ But the military police did not.”

You paused for a moment.

“Your men were so far behind the scouts, it’s shameful. I’m sure the scouts already had him cuffed by the time they caught up.”

He stared at you.

_Yes, your pride will be your downfall here Nile._

“Wouldn’t it be embarrassing if it got out that the military police needed the help of the scouts to make a simple arrest?” You gave him a cheeky grin.

“You wouldn’t.”

“And why wouldn’t I?”

He looked at you, irritation etched back into his face. He was trying to come up with a reply, but you knew you had him now.

“But,” you said, “I don’t see much of a reason for people to know if there is no trial. If they don’t know he is a thug there will be no need for one now will there?”

“And, if they don’t know he is a thug I see no reason for anyone to have a problem with him being my bodyguard either,” you continued.

Anger. Exasperation. Annoyance. All were written on Nile’s face. Too prideful to risk letting anyone know they had asked the scouts for help and that they had ended up doing most of the work, the commander of the military police felt trapped by a little girl.

“And I’ll help you out even more!” you added.

You don’t know what had gotten into today but you decided to push your luck even more.

“You don’t tell on me for being in the underground and I won’t humiliate you by letting anyone know I’ve been sneaking past your men for years!”

 _“Years!?”_ Waltz cried out.

You were certain Nile’s head was about to explode.

Erwin’s hand covered his mouth. For the first time you could clearly see emotion on his face. He tried so hard to stifle his chuckle. But luckily only you heard.

Nile was staring daggers at you. He didn’t speak for several moments. You started to become nervous, maybe you had pushed your luck too far.

But still, you did not falter. Finally, he spoke again.

“Waltz.

Please uncuff our _dear_ princess’s bodyguard,” he seethed.

Waltz looked at his commander and slowly did as asked, not daring to say a word.

“Give him a brief tour of the castle and show him to the worker’s sleeping quarters.”

Waltz nodded and turned to leave.

“Oh and Waltz?”

The man turned back to his commander.

“Please bring her former guard to me.”

_That poor guy._

Waltz again nodded, and left with Levi.

He then turned back towards you and Erwin, eyes boring into you.

“Erwin, could you please escort the princess to her room?”

“Certainly” he said and you quickly turned to leave. You, for one, felt like you couldn’t get out of that room fast enough.

Once out in the hallway you began walking back to your room with Erwin. You both walked in silence for a few minutes, before Erwin suddenly spoke.

“I was wondering what was taking you so long.”

“What?” you asked.

“To intervene. I was starting to wonder what was taking so long if you cared enough to be watching us.”

You looked at him, confused.

“I was beginning to get worried you wouldn’t be quick enough to stop Waltz.”

………………..

_What?!_

_Was he referring to the underground?_

“Wait! You knew I was there?!”

“From the moment you ducked between the houses.” He smirked at you.

You stopped and gaped at him.

“I thought for sure you’d immediately run back up to the surface once we had passed, but I was pleasantly surprised you followed us instead,” he said as he continued walking.

_He knew?_

_He knew the whole time?_

“Wait is that why you didn’t stop Waltz? Were you waiting for me to do something??”

He stopped and turned back to you, only smiling in response.

“What if I hadn’t jumped in?!”

You clenched your fists and started walking towards him. Had he been using Levi’s life as a pawn to see what you would do?

“It doesn’t matter, because you did.”

You stopped in front of him.

“There’s no point in worrying about what if’s of things that have already passed. It doesn’t matter what may or may not have happened. What matters now is only what actually happened.”

You were completely bewildered now.

You stood there, staring up at him. You didn’t know what to say. You did not understand this man at all.

When it was clear you were not going to say anything else he turned and continued walking back towards your room.

You slowly began to follow him, still thinking.

Something else was bothering you now. Well something else had been bothering you for a while. 

“Why me?”

He turned his face to look at you as you were now walking beside him.

“You could have had anyone assist with Levi. You could have had any of the scouts help him learn about life up here. Wouldn’t it be better if it was one of his future comrades guiding him, bonding with him? So why me?”

He didn’t speak for a moment. You had thought he had entrusted you for a reason but perhaps you had been wrong. Maybe he just didn’t want to use up a scout’s time and energy on the man.

He finally replied. “Do you think a man like that is easily deceived?”

“What?” You asked, confused.

“Why would anyone willingly ride into the possibility of such a gruesome death?”

You were still confused, “For humanity. For a chance at a future without the titans. To help protect and save humanity.”

“Does humanity deserve to be protected?”

You looked at him, perplexed.

Suddenly you thought about your father. The nobles.

You thought about the evils humans were capable of.

“Humans scare me more than titans,” you finally admitted aloud for the first time. But it was something you had always felt. “Titans may be terrifying, but they are mindless creatures. I wouldn’t call that pure evil.”

You looked down at the floor as you continued walking.

“Humans on the other hand, are aware of what they are doing. Some humans choose to be cruel. They commit great atrocities for their own gain. I think that is pure evil.”

You paused. You thought about your mother. The woman you had met in the underground. Her little boy.

“But not everyone is like that. There are a lot of good people in this world. Yes, humans make this world a dark, evil place. But humans also make this world a beautiful place. Even if there was only one good person in the whole world, they would be worth defending.”

“But a man like that, who’s only ever seen the absolute worst of humans, do you think he feels the same?” Erwin questioned.

_Is he implying he believes you can show Levi people are good? That people are worth fighting for?_

“There are a lot of beautiful people in this world!” You shouted, replying to your own thoughts.

You had reached your door.

“I am not special.”

Erwin crouched down in front of you so he was level with you.

“I disagree.” He stated simply.

“Most people have their own agenda.”

You blinked at him a few times.

“Whether it be to look good in front of others, to inflate their own ego, or so that they will be owed a favor in return later, most people have their own motives behind being good to people.”

“Do you think a man like that can be deceived?” He asked again. “That he wouldn’t see right through the agenda of another for being kind to him?”

“But you. You are sincerely good-hearted. You genuinely care about people.”

You thought back to your mother praising you for being kind and empathetic, for the second time that day.

“He will need to see that people can be truly good for him to believe humanity is worth protecting. He needs to believe there is something worth fighting for.”

You stared straight into Erwin’s eyes. You fidgeted, unsure of what to say.

Finally he broke eye contact and stood up. “You may be the only one who can get through to him.” He said as he turned and began to walk away.

“Wait.”

You wondered something now.

“If you think there are so many ill-intentioned people, then what are you fighting for?”

He didn’t turn back to you. “The truth” was all you heard as he disappeared down the hallway.


	6. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I trust him.”
> 
> You turned to look directly at Levi, a heartfelt expression on your face. 
> 
> Then it happened. 
> 
> So suddenly, you had no time to think or catch yourself. You felt extremely light headed and your vision went black. You felt yourself falling.

“Good morning princess.”

You heard the sound of curtains opening and light flooded into your room. 

You squinted your eyes a few times and sat up.

You had been more exhausted than you realized yesterday. When you got back into your room, you sat down on your bed to think about everything that had happened but it appears you had immediately passed out instead. 

You rubbed your eyes and looked up at your handmaid, the only one allowed in your room. 

“Good morning” you yawned. 

“Shall I prepare a bath for you my lady?”

_“I am not going to be some little bitch’s slave!”_

For some reason, Levi’s outburst yesterday came flying into your thoughts at the question. 

You watched her getting out some clothes for you to wear that day.

Resi, a young woman in her early 20’s, was also from the underground. She had been brought up from the underground right after your mother died to help take care of you. Your mother had had her own handmaids of course, but many of them were much older and they had decided it would probably be best for you to have a younger maiden assigned specifically to you. 

This was an easy way for people to escape the underground. If they devoted themselves to working for the nobles and government officials, they had a way out. Whenever a new servant was needed, people from the underground would jump at the chance to be picked. They were given a place to stay, and they never had to worry about where their next meal would come from. 

But, they were treated terribly. Their sleeping rooms would often be small and cramped, usually with multiple servants in one small room. They also could not eat until the rest of the household had, and they were only provided the scraps.

Essentially they were slaves.

She turned to look at you, since you had not responded yet.

“I…. I can draw my own bath Resi..” you trailed off, looking away from her.

“Is everything okay my lady?”

“Are you any happier here than you were in the underground?” 

She looked extremely taken aback by your sudden question. “I-“ 

“THEN _YOU_ FUCKING BABYSIT HER!” You heard someone scream outside your door, making both of you jump. 

You jumped out of your bed and ran to the door, throwing it open. 

You saw Levi clutching onto the shirt collar of a MP officer, pulling him down slightly to his face. 

You took a moment to take in the scene. You realized it was the MP who had been behind Levi the whole time in the underground. You hadn’t paid attention at the time, but he looked quite young. He must be a brand new recruit, not much older then you were you guessed. 

You also suddenly realized how short Levi was. Sure, he was taller than you, but you were still young. And, due to your illness and early birth, probably destined to stay tiny yourself. But despite being a few years older, he was having to pull the still growing boy down slightly to be even with his face. 

“What is going on here?” you demanded. 

Levi kept hold of the boy’s collar, glaring at him. 

“I – I – I was just sent by Nile to assist your new guard,” he stuttered out. “To help him keep an eye on you, you know s-since he’s new and all. U-until he’s learned the basics at least.”

 _To keep an eye on **him** , _ you immediately realized he meant to say. 

Levi wasn’t stupid either. He knew exactly what was going on. 

You sighed. 

You reached up to touch Levi’s arm, “L-“

He flinched as soon as your fingers brushed his arm, dropping the boy. You immediately pulled your arm back, startled by the sudden movement. 

He does not like to be touched, you noted. 

You weren’t sure what to do. You didn’t want to make Nile even angrier by sending the boy away. He had agreed to your terms for now, but could always change his mind. Sure, he was overly prideful and didn’t want the information that you knew leaked out, but how far could you really push him? 

You didn’t want to risk Levi being sent to trial and going back to square one with this whole situation. But you also understood how frustrated he was. After everything that had happened yesterday they still had to have someone come keep an eye on him. He couldn’t be trusted with you, the princess. 

No – 

_“She is not **my** fucking princess.” _

He couldn’t be trusted with _their_ princess. 

He didn’t want to be here. He saw you as an enemy. A heartless girl from above the underground that looked down on him. A princess using him as just another one of her servants. 

You turned to the young MP, “what is your name?” 

“T- Theodoric,” he stammered. “B-but you can call me Theo!”

He suddenly blushed and bowed deeply, “Or whatever you would like to call me, my princess!”

You winced. 

Levi scoffed.

“Please, that’s completely unnecessary,” you mumbled. 

“Do you trust my judgement Theo?” you then asked. 

He stood back up to look at you. Either he would have to decide he does, or openly admit to your face he does not trust you, his princess. 

“My lady?”

“I personally agreed to have Levi be my replacement, do you trust my judgement?”

He eyed the man standing next to him.

“It’s not that. It’s just… he’s a dangerous thug my lady. I think you are trying to do a good thing, but I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Levi would never hurt me.” You stated so matter of factly, you almost surprised even yourself. 

You felt Levi turn his gaze to you, studying your expression. 

“I mean no disrespect, my princess, but you just met this man yesterday. I don’t think you should be so quick to make such an asses-“

“I trust him.”

You turned to look directly at Levi, a heartfelt expression on your face. 

Then it happened. 

So suddenly, you had no time to think or catch yourself. You felt extremely light headed and your vision went black. You felt yourself falling.

“Princess!” You could hear Resi call out. 

You braced yourself for impact, but instead you felt an arm underneath your back.  
Your vision slowly came back to you, and you stared up at Levi.

For the first time, you saw something soft in his grey eyes – not harsh or emotionless. 

Concern?

_Ah, he does have other emotions._

“What was that? Are you okay?!” Theo seemed panicked.

“I’m sorry. I- I haven’t eaten since very early yesterday.”

“Are you serious?!” Resi cried.

Levi stood you back up, looking at you slightly confused. “That’s not a particularly long time” he said as he removed his arm from behind you. 

You looked down, a bit embarrassed. You didn’t want Theo or him to view you as weak, but especially not him. He had probably gone several days at a time without eating in the underground. But that was a long time for you. 

“She can’t go that long without eating!” Resi exclaimed, “She’s sick!”

Levi looked at her questioningly.

“Did no one tell you??” She added.

Even you were surprised Waltz or someone hadn’t said anything to him. 

“The princess is very sick, that’s part of why she has to always be so closely monitored. The queen died from the illness she passed on to her. She needs to take it easy and eat properly and at proper times to keep her strength up.” 

She turned to you.

“What the hell were you doing that you didn’t eat all day yesterday?!” 

“Er-“

You looked around to Levi and Theo, giving them a look pleading for them not to say anything. 

“I just forgot” you replied sheepishly, rubbing the nape of your neck. 

“You… forgot?!” she was extremely exasperated now. “How do you just forget to eat” she groaned, putting her hand up to her face.

“Let’s go.”

You both snapped around to look at Levi.

“What?”

“Let’s go. You need to eat right?” He questioned. “Can you walk?”

A slight blush creeped onto your face. 

_Is he asking if I need carried?! I’m not a baby!_

“I – I can walk” you stuttered. 

“Okay, then let’s go,” he said again and started to head the direction of the kitchens. He seemed to have temporarily forgotten all about his previous anger at Theo, as the young MP turned to follow as well and Levi did not object.

Resi walked past you as well. 

“You’re coming?” you asked. 

“Your new guard didn’t even know you were sick, and that MP was so panicked just by a simple fainting spell,” she groaned again. “Yes, I’m coming.”

You mumbled as she grabbed your hand, pulling you along with her.


	7. Brat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you think you are doing?”
> 
> “Well, I’m at least going to help.”
> 
> He stopped and snatched the sponge out of your hand. “Have you _ever_ cleaned anything in your life little b-rincess” he stumbled out quickly. You both scrunched your noses slightly at the word. It had been uncomfortable for him to say. You had thought he was going to refer to you as he had in the underground again and were confused when he didn’t.

You shifted in your seat. You were highly uncomfortable.

Resi, Theo, and Levi all stared at you expectantly, waiting for you to eat more. 

It was almost mid-day by the time you had got to the kitchen, so the cooks had made you all lunch. 

But when they brought the food out to you all, you became uncomfortable. 

Levi and Theo had begun to eat immediately, but stopped when they realized you weren’t eating. 

Resi was obviously waiting for you to eat before she ate her meal, as she believed was expected of her. Because of this, you had started to pick at your food taking little bites, hoping this would be enough to make her feel like she could start eating too. 

“Eat,” Levi said. You shifted again. 

“Is everything okay?” Theo asked.

You stole a brief glance at their meals again, then looked back at yours. 

You had a huge sandwich piled high with cheeses, veggies, and meat. Meat was pretty valuable. A lot of citizens didn’t get it often. Servants never got it. 

The other three got some sort of soupy substance. Even Theo. He received some additional stuff on the side – a piece of bread and a mix of vegetables. But Levi and Resi only had the soup. This made you unhappy.

“I’m not feeling well” you replied. 

“Because you need to eat!” Resi exclaimed. 

You repositioned yourself trying to come up with something. 

“I… don’t like sandwiches,” you lied. 

_They’ll probably think I’m an ungrateful brat but I don’t care, this could work._

“So, um, do you guys mind trading a little bit of your food with me please, if I give you a bit of mine?”

 _“Really?!”_ Theo exclaimed, obviously excited at the prospect of having some of your sandwich over his soupy substance. 

“But princess, this stuff isn’t really…” She looked down at her soup stopping, clearly not wanting to sound ungrateful for what she had. If any other noble were around and she talked down about what she had been given, she’d probably lose meal privileges for a week. 

“Oh no, Resi, really! Please, I like that stuff!” You grabbed her bowl and took a big spoonful. 

_DISGUSTING! This is what we are feeding our people?_

But you kept a straight face and then smiled real big, “Amazing!” 

She scrunched up her face, “Really? Well if you’re sure…”

You looked over to see Levi staring at you, his elbow on the table with his head resting in his hand. He hadn’t said anything but was intensely staring at you. 

You awkwardly turned back to Resi, “Yes! And I just really hate some of the nasty cheeses they put on here, it’s gross. I’m sorry you are having to eat that instead.”

You began to divvy up your sandwich into three parts. 

You handed some to Resi and Theo. Resi passed you her entire bowl of soup, and Theo gave you his bread. 

“Thank you so much my lady! You’re so amazing!” The young MP exclaimed.

His overblown reactions were really becoming too much for you. “It’s nothing… I was doing it more for me..”

“Well thank you, princess” Resi said, the excitement evident in her voice. You smiled at her. 

You began to hand Levi his piece, when you noticed he had somehow finished all of his soup while you were distracted with the other two. 

“Sorry, I don’t have anything to give you,” he grunted. 

“That’s okay,” you smiled, still reaching his piece out to him. 

“I’m full.” He replied. 

“Oh? Well I guess you guys can split Levi’s part too.”

“No.” Levi interrupted. “You need something a little more nutritious then that.” He added gesturing to your soup. 

“If you don’t like the cheese at least pick some of the meat off and eat a little of that.”

“O-okay,” you replied awkwardly.

_Well, your plan had still gone decently well._

When you were all done, Levi got up and started picking up the dishes to take to the cleaning area. 

“You don’t have to do that,” you stated. 

“I don’t like leaving messes,” he said and walked away carrying what he could.

You blinked after him, confused. 

Theo stood up and you looked at him. 

He looked back at you awkwardly. “I have to go- er… make a report.”

You rolled your eyes. 

_On how my new guard is doing, you mean?_

He shifted and started to leave but then turned back to you. 

“U-um…..”

“What is it Theo?” you asked

“I mean no disrespect, I’m not judging you at all or anything! But um… are you still in your clothes from yesterday?” 

You looked down realizing you had left your room without bathing or changing. A slight blush appeared on your cheeks. 

“It’s fine! You don’t smell or anything! I jus-“ 

“No, I need to get changed, everything’s just been so hectic.” You murmured. “Thanks for reminding me.”

“Okay, well see you later princess!” He shouted as he left.

“Well I am going to go and start your bath for you then,” Resi said.

“Oh, okay,” you replied, “I will hang back and help Levi take the rest of these dishes into the kitchen. I don’t want him to think we just left.”

She nodded, and went on ahead too. 

You picked up the remaining dishes and carried them into the kitchen. You almost dropped what you had when you stepped in. It was empty except for Levi. The dish washers had already left to take a break as the breakfast rush was gone by the time you all had come to eat, and the lunch rush had not yet started. So there he was, washing the dishes. 

“You don’t have to do that!” You exclaimed. “You can leave them, when the washers come back later they will get them!”

“I told you, I don’t like leaving messes.”

You scrunched up your face. “You can put the rest of them in this sink here,” he added, not even looking up at you.

You put them where he asked and picked up a sponge. You started to wet it when he spoke again, “What do you think you are doing?”

“Well, I’m at least going to help.”

He stopped and snatched the sponge out of your hand. “Have you _ever_ cleaned anything in your life little b-rincess” he stumbled out quickly. You both scrunched your noses slightly at the word. It had been uncomfortable for him to say. You had thought he was going to refer to you as he had in the underground again and were confused when he didn’t. 

You saw him looking past you and realized another worker had walked in behind you as he had started to say what he meant to. 

“My apologies, I hope I am not interrupting anything,” they started. “Princess!” Most of the servants knew you, since they were often taking care of you in some way. And you all were usually confined to inside the castle walls.

The washer looked between you and Levi, who was awkwardly towering over you, after having just grabbed the sponge from you. “Is everything alright?” She questioned. 

“Ah, yes! This is my new guard, Levi,” you said quickly standing upright. 

“Oh! I was not aware you had a new guard.” 

“First day,” you mumbled.

“I see! Well do please take care of our precious princess!”

He simply nodded. You smiled at her. 

“Anyway I was just passing through to grab a few things,” she said. She reached into a nearby drawer and grabbed some items. “Have a great day, my lady!” she continued as she left.

You looked back to Levi. “Nice save.” He turned his face down to you.

You shuffled a bit. “You’ll get in trouble, if you don’t address me properly in front of others. But if no one else is around, it’s fine. You don’t have to pretend.” Your eyes dropped a little as you said the last part.

When you lifted your eyes back up to him, he was looking at you questioningly.

“I won’t tell anyone on you, even if you called me a bitch again. It’s okay, I know that’s what you think. I won’t make you fak-”

“That isn’t what I was going to say.”

You returned the questioning look. 

“I don’t think you are a… I don’t think you are one.”

“Why not?” He looked at you, slightly shocked. Yes, it was a bit odd to be asking someone why they _didn’t_ think you were a bitch but you were surprised by his change from yesterday too. 

“Because you are a shitty liar.”

Once again copying him, the shock now appeared on your face. “What?”

“I don’t like cheese? That was the best you could do, really?” 

“I – I don’t know what you mean!”

“Oh come on, I know you are a child but st-“

“I am not a child! People my age can start training for the military. I could join the scouts too in just a couple years!” You interjected. 

“Well _you_ couldn’t,” he replied. 

You looked at him a moment. Then you giggled. 

“So you knew I was lying?”

“You have got to be one of the worst liars I have ever met. Or the people here are just incredibly stupid.”

“Or maybe you are just one of the best liars, and that makes it easy for you to read other liars,” you giggled again. 

He smirked at you. 

“So then what were you going to say?” 

“Brat. You are definitely a little brat.” He said simply. 

You laughed harder this time, tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

“You know what Levi? You’re a good person,” you said, wiping the tears from your eyes. 

You saw a weird expression flash on his face at these word. Then he went unreadable again. He suddenly turned back to the sink and resumed washing dishes.

 _Just when you were getting something out of him,_ you inwardly sighed at yourself. But I guess I still don’t know the first thing about him. 

You suddenly felt thirsty. Well if he doesn’t want help, you were going to make yourself something to drink at least. 

You walked off and began to make yourself some tea. Once it was done you stood beside Levi drinking it, waiting for him to finish. 

Once he was done, he turned and stared at you. 

His eyes drifted between your face and the cup. 

“Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to just dirty another dish. But really it’s just one thing, you can leave it for the lunch washers.”

He shook his head to the side and looked down at the cup again. 

You looked at him questioningly again, then hit yourself in the face, surprising him. 

“I am so sorry! Are you thirsty?!” you extended your drink out to him without thinking. 

_Wait he seems like a bit of a germ freak he probably doesn-_

He took it out of your outstretched hand and took a sip.

He let out a delighted sigh, “The tea here is amazing!” He exclaimed without thinking. 

Your mouth dropped open a bit and his face went flat.

“Levi, do you like tea?”

“……………”

“It’s my favorite.” He finally admitted, albeit keeping his tone flat.

You smiled. 

_You **did** learn your first thing about him. _


	8. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s how it is in this world. Whether by death or by choice, everybody leaves.”
> 
> “I WON’T LEAVE!” you cried out, your voice breaking. 
> 
> He snapped back to you again and froze. You were staring right at him, your impassioned eyes locked on his. A pained expression on your face, tears streaming freely down your face now. He didn’t say anything but stared at you intensely, an odd look on his face.

_“Can’t you take her? Hide her further away from the central city?”_

_“You know that I can’t. It’s too risky. She wouldn’t be able to stay with me.”_

_“I don’t want her to live the same life I am having to live here. **Please** , Grisha.”_

_“I’m sorry, but I can’t.”_

_“You swore… you swore I couldn’t get pregnant. You swore before I married him that my body was unable to.”_

_Before she married him? Your father? But they had told you they didn’t learn she was too sick to likely have children until after your father had tried for several months to no avail. He had tried to start having heirs immediately and was very impatient._

_“I really thought… I’m sorry.”_

_“Sorry isn’t good enough!”_

_You had awakened from a nightmare, and made your way towards your mother’s room._

_She didn’t even sleep in the same room as your father anymore, only sharing the same bed with him when he was trying to create another heir._

_But you had stopped right outside her door when you heard whispering._

_Why was Grisha here?_

_“He is already working with the nobles to decide whose son to marry her off to. You know what that life will be like for her.” You heard your mother start crying._

_“Perhaps not. Try to have faith. We are trying to change this world, perhaps we can before that happens.”_

_Trying to change this world?_

_“I – I didn’t want to bring an innocent child into this mess of a world,” She sobbed. “But she’s so sweet. She’s so sweet Grisha. She’s too kind hearted for this world, inside or outside of these walls.”_

_Inside or outside of these walls? The castle walls? Or the walls of the cities?_

_“I don’t want her to know what the world is really like. I don’t want it to break her.”_

_“Maybe… maybe it would be good for her” Grisha hesitantly said._

_You heard your mother stop crying._

_“Maybe she can help us!”_

_You heard a loud slap._

_H-had she hit him?!_

_After a few moments you heard your mother speak again. But this time her voice quivered, not on the verge of tears, but laced with anger._

_“How dare you suggest we use my child.”_

_“That’s no- That isn-“_

_“How did that turn out for you?!”_

_Turn out for him? You had heard Carla was pregnant but Grisha had no children yet._

_“Get out.”_

_“Listen, either way she’s going to need to learn how to fight! At the very least to defend herself.”_

_“ **Get. Out.** ”_

_Not wanting them to know you overheard, you ran. You sprinted back to your room thinking about what you had just heard. Her statement had made no sense to you but you had never heard your mother sound so angry in your life. You decided you would never question your mother about what you had overheard._

************

“Oi, oi…”

You heard someone, and felt yourself being gently shaken awake. 

“Oi, brat!”

Your eyes snapped open. 

_Levi!?_

You sat up. You looked at him, sitting on the edge of your bed, the pale moonlight hitting his face. 

“Are you al-“

“What are you doing in here?!”

He stared at you, puzzled. 

“Only Resi can be in here! Perhaps another female servant, but definitely not you!”

He looked slightly offended for a moment. “Listen little brat, I’m not a pervert, I’m not in here to do anyt-“

“I know that, stupid! I mean if _anyone else_ catches you in here! If my night guard sees…” you paused. “Wait how did you get past the night guard?”

“I wasn’t tired so I told him I would keep watch a little longer.”

“What?! How can you not be tired? You’ve been working all day! It’s got to be early in the morning by now, when were you going to sleep?!”

“I… don’t sleep much.”

You just looked at him, your mouth slightly open. “Well you could have at least taken a break or something,” you mumbled. 

“And done what? Please, tell me what I would be allowed to do besides go back to the cramped, dirty sleeping quarters.” His face had a slight look of disgust. 

“I’m sorry… Is it really that dirty there?”

He looked at you crinkling his face a little more in disgust. 

“You really don’t like uncleanliness do you?” You giggled. “I guess that’s two things I’ve learned today,” you said cheerfully. His expression turned to one of slight confusion. 

“I will make sure that gets taken care of though. I’m sorry it’s so bad.” you continued. “Anyway, I don’t particularly mind, but what _are_ you doing in here?”

“You were groaning, and quite restless,” he answered.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” was all you said. 

_Was he worried?_

“Were you having a bad dream?”

“More like remembering a confusing memory...” you trailed off. 

Suddenly your stomach grumbled and you clutched it, your whole face going red. Levi’s hand extended out in front of you, holding out a piece of bread.

“Where did you get this?” you questioned. 

“I saved it from dinner. I figured I should keep something on me after yesterday morning.”

_He **was** worrying about you._

You grabbed it and started to take a bite when suddenly a pleasant thought crossed you mind. You swallowed and felt a huge grin form on your face.

“Get rid of that stupid grin,” he grunted, looking away. “It’s only because I’m your guard and it’s not going to stay that way long if they find out you keep fainting when I’m watch-!”

“You’re my first ever friend, Levi” you said happily.

Anger flashed across his face as he snapped his eyes back to you, “Don’t fucking moc-“

Your eyes were filled with the same genuineness as you had shown in the underground. He stared at you, taking in the smile on your face and the sincerity in your eyes. 

“You’re… odd,” He finally said. 

Your smile quickly dropped. A sudden realization had hit you. 

“I didn’t me-“ he started before you cut him off. 

“Did we take you away from your friends?”

He just looked at you. 

“In the underground. Did we take you away from your friends? Your family?“

“No.” He paused. “There wasn’t anything for me down there anymore.” 

“Anymore? Did you have friends?”

“Not exactly…” he trailed off and looked away. 

You saw something painfully familiar in his eyes. Something you knew at too well. 

_Loneliness._

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to pry! I overstepped, I’m so sor-”

“It’s okay. It’s just I wouldn’t really say I had a friend, or any family, more like a mentor of sorts. He’s the one who taught me how to survive in the underground. But… he’s gone now.” It fell quiet. Neither of you spoke for a couple minutes.

“I’m sorry,” you finally spoke. You continued after briefly pausing again, “My mother was the only one who ever actually cared about me. Even though she was sick and I knew she was dying the pain was still worse than I could have imagined. I had no one else when she died. Did you know? Or was it sudden?” 

“He didn’t die. He left on his own accord.”

“He? - Levi, I’m so sorry..” your voice stayed steady but tears started to fill your eyes. You felt your heart clench up. Your mother had been all you had, but she loved you fully. You couldn’t have imagined if she had chosen to leave you. 

Levi sighed. “That’s how it is in this world. Whether by death or by choice, everybody leaves.”

“I WON’T LEAVE!” you cried out, your voice breaking. 

He snapped back to you again and froze. You were staring right at him, your impassioned eyes locked on his. A pained expression on your face, tears streaming freely down your face now. He didn’t say anything but stared at you intensely, an odd look on his face.

After a moment, embarrassed by your own sudden outburst and his intense stare, you began to wipe the tears from your eyes. 

“How incredibly vain of me,” you finally said, hoping to lighten the atmosphere again. This finally snapped Levi out of his stunned state. “I said you were my friend, you didn’t say I was one of yours. I must be pretty conceited.”

He smirked, “How typical of a royal.” You smiled down at your bed at his teasing reply, glad he was back to normal. “But I never said you weren’t either.”

You looked back up at him again, “D-does that mean you think of me as a friend?!” He looked slightly taken aback. A slight blush tinted your cheeks again at your new outburst, but you couldn’t deny you felt happy at the indication of being thought of as a friend. 

He lifted his hand in front of your face and made a sudden movement. Your eyes squinted shut.

_Was he going to hit you?_

You felt a flick on your nose. Your eyes flew back open and your hands reached up and touched your nose. 

_H- he flicked you?!_

“Sure, brat.” He smirked again. 

A huge smile formed on your face once again. 

“Oi, if you keep up that stupid look your face is going to get stuck like that. Hey, brat do you hear me?”

“(Y/N)”

“Huh?”

“I just realized, I still haven’t told you my name. And everyone usually just refers to me by my title. My name is (Y/N). Just in case you wanted to call me something else when others aren’t around. No one ever calls me by my name…” you trailed off, suddenly yawning. Tiredness was overcoming you again. “Except sometimes my doctor,” you added, rubbing your eyes.

He stood up from the edge of your bed. “I’ll take it into consideration. But I’ll probably just stick with brat,” he replied tauntingly. “And you need to go back to sleep now.”

“O-okay” you yawned out, as you laid back down and he walked to your door. 

As he started to open your door to leave he heard you softly speak. “Good night, Levi.” 

“Good night, brat.”


	9. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t want to die here!”
> 
> He stopped. The intensity in your gaze had returned.
> 
> “I don’t want to just sit in these walls and wait to die. I want to live, even if it kills me!” you shouted.

“Good morning prin-“

Resi glanced around your room as she closed your door behind her. You were nowhere to be found.

She looked around the room again frantically. Levi and Theo were outside, so you should still be here. They would have seen you if you had left out your door, and it’s not like they would have let you go off on your own. 

Just as she began to panic, your bathroom door flung open. By the time she had looked over you had already flung yourself on her, wrapping her in a hug. 

“Good morning Resi!” You sang. 

She tensed up and gazed down at you. You were already ready for the day. You almost never woke up on your own. You’d sleep all day, she thought, if she didn’t came in and wake you. 

“Am I your friend Resi? Can we be friends?” She looked at you confused. Then she smiled. 

“We can be friends, princess.”

“No!” You shouted suddenly, startling her. Now she was more confused. “(Y/N)!”

“What?” she questioned, looking at you extremely perplexed. 

“Friends call each other by their names!” you said. Then suddenly a big smile appeared on your face, “or you can give me a nickname. But not princess or my lady!”

“Oh, I’m not sure if I’m com-“ she stopped when she saw a pout form on your lips. “I’ll try to get used to it!” 

You smiled again. “Yay! Now I have two friends!”

She wasn’t quite sure what you meant but your energy caused a smile to form on her face as well. “You seem quite happy today, prin-(Y/N),” she corrected when she saw your smile falter. “Sorry it will take some getting used to, especially since I can’t when we’re around others.”

You nodded your understanding and grabbed her hand suddenly, pulling her back out the door. “What are you doing?” she questioned. 

“I thought we all could get breakfast and then explore the castle or do something together again!” You replied as you stepped into the hallway.”

“Good morning, Levi!” You exclaimed, the big grin reappearing on your face as soon as you saw him. He wasn’t sure how to respond, he had never had anyone happy to see him like this and he wasn’t sure how to take it. “Is everything alright?” you questioned.

“Yes,” he simply replied. You waited for him to go on but he did not. 

“Hey! Say good morning back, she’s the princess!” you heard a bewildered voice exclaim, as if Levi had just done a great injustice. You noticed that Theo was standing behind Levi. “Good morning my lady!” he shouted as he bowed down to you. You groaned. 

“We can go get breakfast, but you have studies today,” Levi said, “… princess,” he added, still a bit awkwardly.

You groaned louder, “Do I _HAVE_ to.” Your “studies” today included etiquette lessons. “Please don’t make me practice curtsying and how to drink with my pinkie out. I’d rather bite my own tongue off.”

“Life is so tough, isn’t it?” You rolled your eyes at his mocking tone. 

“Fine, let’s go eat at least,” you mumbled.

************

You were a little happier with the servings today. You had all received some pancakes and you forced Resi and Theo to take some of your bacon. They normally only provided some juice for breakfast but you had demanded tea be served instead. The servers were a little bit surprised because you had never specifically asked for tea before, and it wasn’t something usually offered at breakfast. 

“What? I’m just craving tea today.” You tried to play it off when they had pushed you on it. You forced yourself not to look at Levi, but you didn’t miss him glancing at you out of the corner of your eye. 

Apparently Theo didn’t either and seemed to become annoyed. Although you weren’t aware. 

When you guys ran out, Resi got up to go get more to drink. As she came back to the table and started to sit down she slipped and started to fall. She caught herself, but the tea went flying all over the table, and Levi’s lap. 

“I-I’m sorry!” She stuttered out.

“It’s okay Resi,” you stated, and you grabbed a handful of napkins. You handed them over to Levi, “here use these.”

He grabbed them out of your hands and started dabbing his pant leg. Suddenly Theo jumped up. 

“You should thank the princess when she offers you assistance!” He shouted. “Who do you think you are? Not saying good morning back to her and now just ripping stuff out of her hands? She is the princess, I know they didn’t teach you any manners in the underground, scum, bu-“

“Who the hell are you calling sc-“ Levi started. But you had started at the same time.

“ **DON’T FUCKING TALK TO MY GUARD LIKE THAT!** ” Levi and Resi shot their eyes to you, Resi’s mouth dropping open. You had jumped up out of your seat as well. Theo jerked his face to yours. “ **WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK _YOU_ ARE?**”

“P-p-princess” Theo barely managed to get out.  
A couple of the workers from the kitchen came out at the commotion. 

“I-I didn’t mean, I-I” he shrunk under your glare. “I was just trying to defend your honor…”

Your rolled your eyes but calmed down a bit, noticing the attention on you.

“What is going on out here?” One of the cooks approached. 

“Nothing,” You answered.

“Are you sure? Well, princess that was certainly no way for a lady to talk.” 

You looked around, as if searching for something for a moment. “Ah, well I guess it’s a good thing there’s no fucking lady here.”

Resi’s mouth fell further, Theo’s expression soon mirroring hers. Levi, who had just taken a sip of his drink, choked and you looked at him. 

_Had you... made him laugh?!_

You don’t know why, but the thought made you feel incredibly proud.

The cook looked at your shocked, unsure of how to respond. You shifted nervously when you remembered all the attention still on you.

Levi stood up. “Yes that’s no way for a lady to talk, princess” he said his tone both mocking and amused. He grabbed your wrist and started to drag you out of the room. “Looks like you do need those lessons,” he teased. 

Resi and Theo just stared off after you both, still in shock. 

What you did not notice was Waltz also staring at you as you were pulled out of the dining area. He too, watching the whole scene that had just played out. 

************

You huffed. You were marching down the hallway ahead of Levi, pouting. 

Your _studies_ had gone horribly. It wasn’t that acting lady like was terribly hard or anything but you didn’t see the point in them. It often left you feeling frustrated, this stuff was completely pointless.

But your instructor knew you felt frustrated and really pushed you anyway. She was very hard on you and often humiliated you as well. 

“A lady doesn’t huff” you heard him from behind, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

You whipped around to him so fast, you almost lost your balance. “This stuff is stupid! It’s pointless!” You shouted. “I don’t want to learn about this stuff.”

He paused at your outburst. “What would you like to learn about?”

You looked at him, and then looked off to your side, hesitating. “I want… I want to learn how to use the maneuver gear…” You glanced back to him but he just stared at you, his face flat. “I know, I know,” you sighed looking away again. “I can’t, I’m the princess. There’s no need anyway, I’m never going to be allowed outside the walls.”

“Why?”

You turned back to him again, a sudden intensity in your eyes. “Because I _want_ to go outside the walls,” you whispered, just in case anyone came passing by.

Before you even had time to process what was happening, Levi had grabbed your wrist again. He pulled you, almost dragging you, down the halls until you reached your room. He opened your door and practically threw you in, following and closing the door behind you both. 

“You should be more careful, what if someone saw y-“

“Why?” he questioned again. “Why do you want to go outside the walls?” You looked at him slightly puzzled. You didn’t say anything for a moment. 

“You’re safe here,” he went on. “Many people would give a lot to be this deep wit-.”

“I don’t want to die here!”

He stopped. The intensity in your gaze had returned.

“I don’t want to just sit in these walls and wait to die. I want to live, even if it kills me!” you shouted. “I… I don’t want to just survive…” you trailed off, finally expressing aloud things you had kept bottled up for so long. 

You really don’t know what had gotten into you. All the back talking, all the outbursts. You had always felt this way, but you had never dared to speak them out loud. Ever since the underground it’s like you had finally found your courage.

“I want to show you something…” you said slowly. He watched as you walked to your bed and pulled out something from underneath it. A book. 

You went to the center of the room and sat down on the floor, opening the book up in front of you. You looked up to him, waiting. He got the hint and came over to crouch down next to you. 

“My mother gave me this. But it’s forbidden so don’t tell anyone, okay?” You said. He nodded his understanding to you. You started to go through the book that showed what the world outside the walls looked like. There were drawings of strange lands of ice and fire. But mostly he just looked at you as you pointed to them. He was more enthralled by the amazement and wonder on your face as you detailed the things you dreamed of one day seeing. 

“And this… this is the ocean! It says it covers most of the world and holds a seemingly endless amount of salt. Doesn’t it look beautiful?” You questioned a wonderstruck expression on your face. “I want to see the ocean most of all.”

“I wish I had gotten to see the ocean with my mom,” you added quietly.

He shifted uncomfortably and opened his mouth to speak, though unsure how to reply. But suddenly you stopped staring at the book and looked back at him. “Do you think maybe we could see the ocean together someday?” 

You stared at him with such genuine, hopeful eyes transfixed on his. 

Before he could say anything you heard a knock on the door making you jump. You quickly slid the book under your bed. 

You looked over at Levi, trying to think of how to best keep this hidden. 

“Princess?” you heard from behind the door. Resi! 

You got up and opened the door, feeling as though you could trust her. “I didn’t see Levi out here so I wasn’t sure –“ she stopped when she saw him behind you. 

“Resi, we were ju – “

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” she smiled, stepping into your room. You breathed a sigh of relief and returned her smile. “I just wanted to check on you after this morning, and make sure you were okay,” she continued. 

“Oh yeah, that.” You sighed, “I’m over it. But I am a little disappointed we didn’t get to hang out at all today,” you pouted. You had planned to hang out with them today and get closer to Resi too. She had been your handmaiden for a few years now, but you had never really talked much to her – or anyone for that matter. 

“Well I still haven’t had dinner yet, shall we go?” Resi suggested. Not quite what you had in mind, but it would do.

“Sure we haven’t eaten yet either.” You said, pointing behind you to Levi.

As you followed her out of your room, checking around to make sure no one would see Levi following you both out too, you heard Levi whisper behind you, “I’ll teach you.”

You turned back to him, “Really?!” He held his finger up to his lips, indicating for you to be quieter, but nodded. You smiled all the way to the dining area.

************

**Third person POV**

There was a knock on the door. 

“Come in” Nile stated. 

He looked up as the door opened and closed. “What is it Waltz?”

“I think we may have a problem sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I know I've been posting chapters a lot the past few days, but due to my work schedule I am not able to write as much Wednesday-Saturdays so posting may not happen as much during the weekend. I plan to post every week though, at least Sunday or Monday :) Also I promise our baby Eren (and the rest of our lovely scouts) will be coming eventually, but we are going to be hanging out in the pre-main timeline a bit longer!


	10. Doctor's Appointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Listen, (Y/N), there are things you don’t know. Things beyond your wildest imagination. Things you do not understand right now, but –“
> 
> “WHAT IS THERE TO UNDERSTAND?!” You smacked his hand off of you. “I DON’T CARE WHAT HE DID, HE WAS A CHILD. PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN, **NOT** THE OTHER WAY AROUND. PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT.” You felt tears start to fill your eyes. “A...are all fathers like this?” you added, almost in a whisper.
> 
> “(Y/N) – “ Grisha started, but you were not going to give him a chance to explain. You didn’t care what his reasoning was.
> 
> You ran. You ran out of the infirmary. 
> 
> Levi, who had been waiting outside in the hallway, looked up as the door flew open. “What happened?” But you ran past him as well.
> 
> You didn’t want to see anyone, you didn’t want to talk to anyone. 
> 
> _Liars. Your mother. Grisha. Everyone. Everyone inside these walls is a liar._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry about the chapter delay, but here it finally is! There is a lot in this chapter, and - warning, there is an assault and some descriptive violence towards the end of this chapter. If these are triggers for you, you may want to skip the last little bit of the chapter. Sorry again for the delay, and thank you for your patience.

You grabbed the glass of water he handed you and chugged it. You would never get used to the disgusting taste of the medicine.

"Why can't medicine taste good" you complained, swinging your legs off the edge of the bed in the castle's infirmary.

He chuckled and took the glass back.

"I'm sorry princess" he replied.

You huffed, "Grisha, please do not call me that".

You knew he had to when other people were around. But you were alone now.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

He grabbed your cheeks and moved your face side to side, examining it. “What are you doing?” you asked, muffled through his grasp. “This doesn’t seem to have any medical relevance.”

“You haven’t been outside as much.”

“What do you mean?” You tried to feign confusion. 

“You used to be outside more. You haven’t been out as much lately.”

This was true. It had been a little over a week now. With Levi watching you, you couldn’t just sneak out anymore. But that was going to change soon, he was going to help you. He had promised to teach you how to use maneuver gear. There were woods nearby you could practice in, he was just trying to work out a plan to get you both out of the castle. 

“I have a new guard and – wait!” you exclaimed. “You knew I used to get out?”

“It’s easy to see the difference in someone who’s been kept trapped inside too much and who has been outside.”

“And you never told on me?” 

“Why would I? It was good for you,” he replied. 

You just stared at him as he walked back over to his medical equipment. As he pulled out some papers that you assumed were your medical documents and began writing, you got lost in thought. 

You never seemed to be able to quite read Grisha. You had found yourself wondering lately what you were to him. He seemed to hide things, but he seemed to also watch out for you in his own way. Yes, you were his patient. But beyond that? Did he actually care for you? It depended a large part on what your mother was to him you assumed. 

“What was my mother to you?”

Grisha kept jotting stuff down. “Your mother was a very good friend of mine (Y/N), you know that.”

A friend. You’d always known that but you’d only recently started to learn about friendships for yourself. What does that mean exactly though, what does that entail? Your friendship with Levi was not quite the way you had always pictured friendships were like. You couldn’t seem to get the dream from a few nights ago out of your head.

“But why would you keep her illness hidden from the king? It’s because you wanted her to marry my father, right? But why did you want her to marry the king?” He faltered slightly, but continued writing. 

“I’m not sure what you mean. We didn’t know until after your parents were trying to conceive that there was anything wrong with your mother.”

“You’re lying.”

He suddenly stopped what he was doing and turned to you, staring intently. 

You looked back at him, returning his stare intensely. You did not like being lied too. And you knew. You knew that he was lying to you. That he had been. And he had been doing it for so long, so casually. 

He had been the only one there for you, the only there after your mother had died. But did you even know the man staring back at you at all?

_“How dare you suggest we use my child.”_

_“That’s no- That isn-“_

_“How did that turn out for you?!”_

This part in particular kept replying over and over in your mind. You had wondered if it really had been a memory or could it have been just a dream. 

No. You were certain it was a memory. You had never met Carla, or his son, Eren. But you were certain it was a memory and you were positive he had only just married Carla at the time. 

“Do you have another family? Another child?”

He had lied to you for so long you were surprised that this got to him. The look of shock on his face was not something you had expected. He seemed to have zoned out, his eyes glossed over. 

_Well that is a clear answer._

“G- Grisha?” You finally spoke, a bit concerned. 

This seemed to bring him back. He pushed his glasses up slightly and continued staring at you. “Did your mother tell you this?”

“No,” was all you said. You weren’t going to tell him about the whole conversation you heard. “But you do then? Does Carla know? Does – “

“Did.”

You looked at him confused. “I did. They are…. gone now.”

“Grisha… I’m sorry. I –“ You stopped not knowing what to say. 

You both sat in silence for a few minutes. You were not sure how you felt. You had been angry at being lied to, and then surprised Grisha had a family before Carla. But now you felt bad bringing it up. Part of you was curious though. 

In your memory, your mother had implied Grisha had somehow used his child. Is this what caused their deaths?

“What… happened?” You knew you shouldn’t have asked. He had never mentioned it to you, it was probably painful for him to talk about but you wanted to know. 

Grisha let out a sigh. “We failed each other.”

You raised an eyebrow at him questioningly. 

“I failed them. I failed them both. Dina, my first wife, and I failed our son, Zeke. And we put too much pressure on him and he turned against us and failed us too.”

You didn’t understand, this didn’t make sense as to what lead to their deaths. But that last part struck a nerve with you.

“I’m sorry, how old was your son? When this all happened?”

Grisha looked back to you, slightly confused. “Seven.”

“….Seven?” You questioned him, your mouth slightly open. “When he… failed you?” You felt a sudden anger starting to rise in you. An anger you hadn’t felt since the underground. 

“Yes, it’s complicated but he –“

“It’s complicated?” You asked again, but your voice was slightly shaking this time. “A seven year old let you down?” 

“Listen, (Y/N), there’s a lot I can’t explain right no-“

“But how did this lead to their deaths?” You attempted to remain calm trying to get clarification. This was all very confusing to you. 

“Their deaths?”

“You said they were gone.”

“They… are. But Zeke isn’t…”

“He’s alive?!” You jumped off the bed. What is going on?! Your head was swarming trying to piece together everything you were learning. Grisha had been married before. Grisha had another child. But his other child was still alive? Did Carla know about any of this? 

Wait, your mother knew all of this? And didn’t ever say anything to you, or Carla? And Grisha had covered for her so that she could marry the king? But he had wanted you to help them. Help them what? 

_“Perhaps not. Try to have faith. We are trying to change this world, perhaps we can before that happens.”_

You clutched your head at the memory. He had used his own child to help them in whatever plan they were scheming. Your mother knew. Your mother had known about Dina and Zeke. Your mother had known about his use for Zeke. What had they all been planning? Had your mother been okay with using someone else’s child? 

_Seven. Seven?! He felt betrayed by a seven year old?!_

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” 

You suddenly noticed Grisha was right in front of you, shaking you by your shoulders. You did not know how long he had been shouting your name but your hands dropped from your head finally. You were a little dizzy but you looked straight into his eyes.

“(Y/N) are y-“

“Let me get something straight, you have another son out there. A son _you_ put all your pressure and hopes onto when he was only a child. And he, a child, somehow made you feel betrayed and so you dumped him and started a new family?” Your whole body was trembling, your hands balled into fists. You weren’t sure if you were going to faint, hit something, or throw up. 

“Listen, (Y/N), there are things you don’t know. Things beyond your wildest imagination. Things you do not understand right now, but –“

“WHAT IS THERE TO UNDERSTAND?!” You smacked his hand off of you. “I DON’T CARE WHAT HE DID, HE WAS A CHILD. PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN, **NOT** THE OTHER WAY AROUND. PARENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT.” You felt tears start to fill your eyes. “A...are all fathers like this?” you added, almost in a whisper.

“(Y/N) – “ Grisha started, but you were not going to give him a chance to explain. You didn’t care what his reasoning was.

You ran. You ran out of the infirmary. 

Levi, who had been waiting outside in the hallway, looked up as the door flew open. “What happened?” But you ran past him as well.

You didn’t want to see anyone, you didn’t want to talk to anyone. 

_Liars. Your mother. Grisha. Everyone. Everyone inside these walls is a liar._

The next thing you knew you were running through doors that lead to the outside. It was dark and cloudy out. A couple of MP’s nearby that you didn’t know looked up as you ran past. “Hey girl where ar-“ but you were gone before the rest of their sentence reached your ears.

You didn’t even know where your feet were taking you. You didn’t know where you were going to go inside these cramped walls. You ran into the city and past people without stopping or trying to dodge them. “Watch where you are going!” You heard someone yell. But you just kept going. 

It started to rain so you ran into an alleyway and finally, stopped. Out of breath you clutched your chest, and leaned against the wall of a building. 

Your head was still spinning with everything that had just happened. You slid down the wall until you sat on the ground. You felt faint, but you weren’t sure if it was from what had just happened or from all the running. Perhaps it was both. You clutched your head in your hands again trying to organize your jumbled thoughts.

“What do we have here?” you heard, snapping you from your attempts at thinking straight. You looked up to see a much older man walking towards you, his eyes fixed on you. You stood back up but your legs were shaky, something he did not miss. 

“Is everything okay darling?” He asked as he reached down to your face and brushed your (H/C) hair out of your eyes. 

You pulled away from him and took a few steps back. “I’m fine,” you replied starting to back out of the alley. But instead you backed into something else. 

Suddenly you felt an arm wrap around you and a hand slide over your mouth. 

“Why the hurry little lady?” the man asked. “You seem as if you were running from something. It’s okay now though. We’ll protect you,” he grinned. He reached out and placed his hand under your chin, lifting your gaze to meet his. 

“My, you are quite a beauty.” He scanned your face. You felt the hand leave your mouth but in its place some fabric stayed. You felt it being tied behind you. You begin to panic and tried to squirm away but as soon as the fabric was tied behind your head, strong arms pinned your weak ones together behind you. You felt something being tied around your wrists as well. 

“Now, now, no need to panic,” the man added. You tried to scream, but it was muffled through the fabric in your mouth. 

You had never expected this here. In the city. In the underground maybe but you never thought things like this could be happening above ground. 

_Stupid. You were so stupid. So naïve._

You had come to realize lately how incredibly ignorant you were to the way things were outside the castle walls. 

You struggled but you were no match for the strong grip from behind. Before you knew it your hands and legs were all tied up. They had sat you back down and you finally saw the man who had been behind you. He was quite large and muscular. Even if you hadn’t just exhausted yourself, you wouldn’t have stood a chance in getting out of his grasp. 

*******Trigger Warning*******

The man who had approached you grasped your chin again, redirecting your gaze from the larger man back to him. 

How had you gotten yourself in this situation? You were shaking, but this time from fear. You felt the tears welling up again. You wished you had just stayed in the castle.

It had started to rain harder now. His hand left your chin and wiped away your tears as they started to spill from your eyes. “There’s no need for that darling,” he whispered. “I am going to take very good care of you.”

You watched as his hand began to move away from your face and slowly down your neck, to the top of your dress. You shut your eyes as he undid the first button. 

He undid the second button, and your tears began to flow quicker. 

You felt yourself being pushed down to the ground. He climbed on top of you and you felt him begin fiddling with the third button, but you did not dare open your eyes. 

As you squinted your eyes shut tighter, you heard a loud thud, and then a scream. You suddenly felt the man’s body disappear from against yours. As your eyes flew open, you saw his body hit the wall across from you and slide to the ground. You sat up and looked to your side. The sight almost made you scream. The larger man was on the ground beside you, lying in a pool of blood. 

Before you could look around anymore you felt the fabric being cut from behind your head. Then from your wrists. Instantaneously, the figure was in front of you.

_LEVI._

He was holding a knife, covered in blood. And you realized what had happened to the man on the ground beside you. Levi cut the fabric that tied your legs together. He showed you no emotion. 

You opened your mouth to speak but you saw the man who had been on top of you standing up. Levi’s gaze followed yours. 

The man stood up slowly, his hand holding onto the wall behind him to keep him steady. 

“Who the fuck are you?” He snarled, reaching behind his back. 

Levi stood up from in front of you and took his jacket off. He placed it on top of your head, shielding you from the rain a bit. 

“Stay,” was all he said before flipping the knife in his hand. 

The next second seemed to move so fast you could barely process it. The man pulled out a gun and pointed it straight at Levi. You opened your mouth to scream, but Levi was already in front of the man. He took his wrist in the hand not occupied by the knife and snapped it, instantly. 

_“Princess, this man is one of the most notorious thugs down here. You can’t even imagine some of the things he’s probably done.”_

Waltz’s words came flooding back to you. 

The man cried out in agony as his bone protruded from his snapped wrist. You suddenly felt sick. Not because you felt any pity or sorrow for the man but because you had never witnessed anything like this before. 

You were amazed though, the man still tried to fight. He used his other hand to try to grab the knife away from Levi. Levi twisted away and plunged the knife into the man’s chest, where his heart should be. 

He pulled it out and the man fell to the ground, lifeless. 

*******End Trigger Warning*******

You zoned out, staring at the spot the man lay. 

You came back to your senses when Levi crouched back down in front of you. You stared at him, and he stared back at you, but his face was still flat. You felt a little scared, but that was quickly pushed aside when you thought about what just happened. And what just almost happened. 

Tears began filling your eyes again. “Levi!” You cried out and threw your arms around neck, pulling yourself into him, trembling. You felt him stiffen a bit but you just cried harder. 

“Can you stand?” 

You let go and pulled away. You were a bit hurt that he didn’t seem to show any emotion or attempt to comfort you at all. Yet, you nodded and began to stand up, still shaking and tears continuing to stream down your face.

But it seems you were wrong. You couldn’t. It had all been too much. As soon as you stood upright, everything went black, and you fell.


	11. Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is your problem?” you asked, anger slightly creeping into your tone. You were appreciative he was there, but you were also a little upset. He had reacted almost coldly after he saved you and was still acting frigid. You realized you felt a bit hurt by the way he was acting towards you.
> 
> “You. You are my problem,” he replied flatly.

_“There’s no need for that darling,” he whispered. “I am going to take very good care of you.”_

_His hand moved from your face down to the top of your dress. He began to unbutton your dress._

_One._

_Two._

_Three buttons._

_You wanted to scream but you couldn’t._

_Where was Levi? Wasn’t he supposed to be here by now?_

_Your eyes were shut tight but you felt the man’s hand began to move down until he placed it on your thigh._

_Then he slowly worked his hand back up, and under your dress, getting closer and closer. Until –_

You jolted awake. Sweat and tears were mixed together, streaming down your face. You went to clutch your dress together but realized you were in a casual shirt and shorts. Instead you were clutching a blanket to your chest. 

You were breathing heavily, you thought you were going to pass back out. You tried to focus on where you were. It was dark, and it was storming outside. You were back in your bed.

You almost jumped through your ceiling when you felt something cold touch your face. You looked to your left and it took a moment for your eyes to adjust in the dark room. 

Your gaze locked on Levi’s face. It was unexpressive and he seemed to be looking right past you, but he was dabbing your face with a damp cloth. You sat in silence and watched him as he continued to wipe the sweat and tears from your face, occasionally rewetting the cloth in a bowl of water on the stand next to your bed. You felt your breathing begin to return to normal. 

_How long has he been here?_

Once he was done, he placed the cloth back in the water. His eyes lingering on the bowl. 

“Thank you,” you finally spoke. 

“Tsk” was the only response he gave, still refusing to look directly at you. 

“What is your problem?” you asked, anger slightly creeping into your tone. You were appreciative he was there, but you were also a little upset. He had reacted almost coldly after he saved you and was still acting frigid. You realized you felt a bit hurt by the way he was acting towards you.

“You. You are my problem,” he replied flatly.

“Why are you acting like this!?” You were growing frustrated. Why _was_ he acting like this? 

“I am supposed to be watching you and you are becoming increasingly difficult. Fainting and throwing tantrums like a child.” You felt a sting at his words. “And then running off like that? I didn’t expect you to be so reckless and stupid.”

“Oh, I’m _so_ sorry you are stuck _babysitting_ me,” you retorted, recalling what he had said to Theo his first day. “I’m sorry you are stuck watching a stupid little girl!”

“Well as long as you understand.” He stood up from your bed and turned away from you heading towards the door.

You gritted your teeth at his comment. “If I’m so stupid then just let me go next time! I was sneaking out into the city for years before I met you, I don’t need your help!”

This seemed to strike a nerve with him. “Oh, is that so _princess?_ ” he seethed, turning back to you. He was finally showing you some emotion, just not the one you had hoped for. “And where would you be right now if it wasn’t for me?”

He was right. You didn’t want to think about what would have happened to you if he hadn’t shown up. But he was making you mad. 

You got out of bed, and began to approach him. “That is so! I’ve been just fine for years before you ever came along! So why are you treating me as if I’m some weak child who needs your protection?!” 

“BECAUSE YOU _ARE_ WEAK!” He screamed, leaning down to you so your eyes were level. You were taken aback that he had raised his voice at you. And he looked so angry. His words were cutting you in a way that you hadn’t felt before. You were hurt more than anything. But you were on the defensive now.

You felt tears begin to well up in your eyes but you pushed them back. You were not going to give him that satisfaction. 

“YOU KNOW WHAT? NEXT TIME JUST LET ME GO. I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, I’VE BEEN ALONE MOST OF MY LIFE! I DON’T NEED ANYONE ELSE, AND I **CERTAINLY** DON’T NEED **_YOU!_** ” You shouted, without even thinking. You hadn’t meant it but you were so angry that the words just came out. And you felt a new kind of pain building up inside you. 

The worst part though was Levi’s reaction. His look of anger was gone. Instead he was back to his cold, emotionless expression, but his eyes were slightly glazed over. 

“I didn’t mean… I…” You struggled to find your next words. 

He stood back upright as you continued to fumble. You reached out to him, “Levi, I didn’t mean it… I didn’t mean to hurt you!” But he jerked away as soon as your fingers touched his arm. 

He looked back down to you, with blank eyes. “You didn’t,” he said. “I’m sorry, princess, I think you may have confused our relationship,” he added coldly.

“Levi, don’t –“

“Or perhaps it’s just the narcissism of a royal, thinking you matter more than you actually do.” 

Apparently he did not care about hurting your feelings. You felt your chest tighten at his words. You hadn’t felt anything quite like the sensation you were feeling now and it was extremely unpleasant and painful. 

You didn’t know what to say, you were at a complete loss for words. 

He turned away and walked towards your door. “It is late, I am going to switch out with your night guard.” He said, opening the door. 

You stood there, waiting. You were desperately waiting for a ‘brat’ to be added to the end of his sentence. But it did not come. Instead, the door closed without another word and he was gone. 

When you realized he was not coming back, you crawled back into your bed. Everything that had happened that day flooded into your mind. 

Grisha had lied to you. You had almost been… you couldn’t even think about that. And had you just lost your first friend?

You pulled out your mother’s locket from beneath your shirt and opened it. The moment you saw her face, you could no longer hold back the tears. The pain from the day overwhelming you, you sobbed, harder than you ever had in your life. 

You didn’t want to go back to being alone. The thought made your chest tighten so painfully, you thought your heart might give out. 

But it didn’t. Instead, you clutched onto your mother’s locket and cried until you had completely exhausted yourself, and you somehow managed to doze off.


	12. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know pr- (Y/N). I've been with you a few years now but I don't think I've ever seen you smile, until recently."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait! For those who did not see my last author's note before I deleted it, I was dealing with some illness and then life got extremely hectic. But here is the next chapter (finally!) This is dedicated to reader Maii for her sweet support and reminding me to get this next chapter out! <3

The sound of someone moving around your room woke you. Light flooded in as it was already late in the morning.

You felt absolutely miserable, the memories of yesterday flooding back to you. You couldn't even begin to process all the confusing and horrible things that had happened. You sat up slowly, holding your head in your hand. Your head hurt and you let out a loud groan. 

Suddenly you felt a hand on your forehead and you blinked a few times adjusting to the sunlight encompassing your room. 

"Well it appears you don't have a fever," Resi stated. "I was worried you might after having been out in the rain yesterday." She looked at you like she wanted to say more but hesitated. "Well you should get ready for the day," was all she said, handing you the outfit she had pulled out for you. 

You took it but did not make any further movement to get up. She began to walk towards your door, taking her leave. 

"Resi?" She stopped and turned back towards you waiting for you to continue. "Who changed me yesterday?"

"I did," she stated simply. 

You didn't add anything else. After a few moments of silence she finally spoke again, "What happened yesterday?"

You did not answer and continued staring absentmindedly at your clothes. 

"What is Levi to you?"

You finally snapped your attention to her. "What?" you questioned. 

"What is he doing here?"

"I'm not sure what you me-"

"A famous thug like him? Guarding you? I've been trying to figure out how your father would allow that. The only logical conclusion is that he doesn't know but someone _has_ to know. His captures? Nile? But they would not just allow that either, so I was thinking back to how you told Theo you had personally approved it so obviously you know and it is your doing that he is guarding you."

You gaped at her. "How did you -"

"Obviously those who have been here for many years would not be aware but I've only been here a couple years. By the time I was chosen to be your handmaiden he had already made quite a name for himself in the underground. I have never been afraid of my fellow underground citizens, not even him. We do what we must. But when he came back with you yesterday..."

You stared at her but didn't say anything. 

She let out a sigh and leaned against a wall. Her chocolate brown eyes studied you. 

"You're..." she trailed off again, seeming to ponder her next words, "..different lately."

You hung your head, "I'm sorry."

"Oh no, I didn't mean it in a bad way," she replied. You looked back to her. "Don't get me wrong, I've never minded you. You've never been unkind. When we get chosen to come up to serve the nobles, we know it's not going to be great. We know the treatment we get but it's still better than being in the underground. I figured serving _the_ princess would be miserable. But it wasn't. You've treated me far better than most of my colleagues. But - if I may be frank - you seemed a bit depressing. At first I was a bit annoyed. I know you lost your mother but honestly a lot of us in the underground lose parents young. And you have all the food and water and riches you could want. You want for nothing here, or so I thought."

If she had been wanting to comfort you it wasn't working. Or she had changed her mind as she started talking. You dropped your head again, staring down at your lap. 

"However," she continued, "I came to realize that wasn't necessarily the case. You still seemed to feel the same loneliness many of us do. You didn't seem to have any friends. You didn't talk to anyone. I didn't know if you were quiet, stupid, or just a big pushover. Or perhaps all three."

She must have changed her mind. The more she talked the worse you felt. 

"But that doesn't appear to be the case. Suddenly you have begun talking more and you're actually quite funny. And bold, when you want to be. Actually it's your cheekiness that makes you funny." 

_“Ah, well I guess it’s a good thing there’s no fucking lady here."_

A blush began to creep into your cheeks as you thought back to the comment you had made in dining hall.

"You know pr- (Y/N). I've been with you a few years now but I don't think I've ever seen you smile, until recently." You turned your gaze back up to hers. 

You stared at her for several minutes unsure of what to say. You contemplated everything she just said. 

"My friend. Levi is the first friend I've ever had," you finally said. Then you looked away from her. "Or so I thought... But last night he made it clear I am nothing but a problem to him."

She hummed in reply. "Is that so?"

"Your doctor has been trying to see you all morning," she continued. You snapped back to her once again. "You don't have to tell me what happened yesterday but... did he hurt you?"

"What? N -" you stopped, thinking about what happened. You did feel a sense of betrayal. And you realized you really didn't know Grisha at all. Actually now you felt like you had not known your mother at all either. They had both lied and kept secrets from you. But he hadn't hurt you in the way Resi likely thought. You wondered if you should tell her. You mulled over everything you had learned, and what you still did not understand. 

You knew your mother had kept things hidden from you, but you now realized she had kept many more secrets than you ever imagined. But the love she had felt for you was still real, you were sure of it. And Grisha - he had known you were sneaking out. He had lied to you too but he had protected you in his own way as well. You certainly did not trust him but you made your decision. 

You decided to bear their secrets . You would not tell anyone.

"No, he did not hurt me," you finished. "Wait why do you think that?"

"Well you may want to clarify that with Levi then." You looked at her questioningly. "I thought something may have happened with your doctor yesterday because Levi had quite the violent aura when he showed up this morning and would not allow him to see you. In fact if Theo wasn't here I'm not sure what would have happened."

You were very confused now.

"You seem puzzled," Resi continued, scanning your face. "You have been quite forward since Levi has come around. Do you understand the weight of your words? When you say them with such sincerity?" You just continued to look at her, the confusion still written on your face. "You say Levi is your friend. Not just that, but your first friend. You tell Theo so confidently that Levi would never hurt you and that you trust him. Do you know what it's like to hear someone say that with authenticity for the first time in your life? When you have only been seen as scum your whole life? When you have only been seen as a bad guy?"

The look of confusion started to fade as the revelation started to set in. 

"And yet, when you are in distress you run away. You could have gotten hurt. Well, more seriously hurt," she added. "To say you trust someone. That they are your friend, then to run off when you are upset, doesn't really add up."

Suddenly, you thought about that night when Levi had mentioned his mentor leaving. The flash of loneliness you saw in his eyes. This 'notorious thug' had shown you vulnerability, even if it was accidentally. You had talked big, screaming out that you wouldn't leave. Yet you didn't even think to trust Levi yesterday. In fact you remembered him calling after you after you burst out of the infirmary. But instead you just turned and ran out of the castle. You had ignorantly put yourself in danger. And even after he came and rescued you, you had screamed at him. Screamed that you did not need him.

Your heart clenched up at the memory. Yes he had made you mad, yes he was saying hurtful things. But he had been concerned, and did he even know how to express that? Had he ever felt that before? Maybe, but likely not in a very long time. 

You let out a long sigh as a thought came to you. Perhaps you were more similar than you realized. Even though your situations were vastly different, both of you had been born into situations where it was frowned upon to express your feelings. And thus, neither of you knew how to properly express your feelings any longer. 

_No._

Resi had said so herself. You were sincere. You had meant what you said that first day. You did trust Levi. It's not that you didn't know how to express yourself. It's that for so long you were afraid to. If you had told anyone else besides Erwin that the nobles scared you much more than titans, what would have happened to you? If the nobles got word that you were talking like that? You didn't speak up, not because you didn't know how to. You didn't speak up because you were a coward. 

**You** didn't speak up because you were too weak to. Levi was right.

A mixture of guilt and sadness washed over you. 

You wanted to apologize but would that be enough? 

_Probably not._ You sighed inwardly. 

Resi, who had been studying you intently walked over and placed a hand on your shoulder, looking down at you. "Don't look so discouraged, you aren't listening."

You looked up at her, her burgundy hair falling down around her face, tickling yours. 

"Levi is out there, angrily staring down your doctor and not allowing him entrance. You'll figure it out."

You nodded your understanding to her and she turned to leave again, satisfied.

"Resi?"

She turned her head back towards you.

"Thank you." You smiled at her. 

"It's nice to see you smiling (Y/N)," she said grinning back at you before leaving.


	13. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You grabbed his hand and yanked him into your room so hard, you thought you might both fall over. However you regained your balance and slammed the door shut, but not before you caught glimpse of Theo's mouth drop open. 
> 
> You had acted without thinking yet again.

You hesitated at the door. 

You weren't sure how you should act once you went out there. There were three people on the other side of the door you really did not want to see right now. You had blown up on both Grisha and Levi yesterday. And, while he had still been around - per Nile's orders, Theo had kept his distance since your outburst at him last week. You groaned. You hadn't really fought with anyone before, because you were never bold enough to talk back or close enough to anyone to do so before, and thus had never had to deal with the aftermath. And now, you had to confront everyone you had erupted on at once. You fiddled with your locket before letting out a deep sigh and tucking it under your top. 

"Good morning!" You said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically, as you opened the door and stepped out. Right into Levi's back. 

Apparently he had decided to plant himself directly in front of your door. 

"Watch where you are going," he seethed, glaring at you. 

_**You're** the one blocking **my** door!_

But you bit your tongue. He moved aside when you didn't say anything, annoyance still etched into his face. 

"Princess, how are you feeling?" Grisha questioned and you both turned your gaze to him. He was standing several feet away, on the opposite side of the hall. Theo was awkwardly standing about in the middle. Resi was leaning against the opposite wall a few feet away from Grisha. "I tried to come check on you... to make sure you hadn't caught a cold or anything after yesterday." 

_You mean to check to make sure I hadn't said anything to anyone._

Although perhaps he wasn't completely lying. He was probably coming to check on both. 

Before you could say anything Theo spoke up. "U-um princess?" You turned your attention towards him. "There is a meeting you are supposed to attend this morning. We should start heading there, it is beginning shortly." You groaned.

"I would like to check her real quick first," Grisha stated.

"I-I'm fine," you said. "Resi checked for a fever this morning and I did not have one."

"If you don't mind, I would like to double check," he insisted. More like he wanted to talk to you. But you probably should, at least to ease his concern about you saying anything. 

"Ok-"

"No." Levi cut you off. 

"I -"

"Yeah, I'm not sure there's enough time." This time it was Theo who caught you off and you were quickly getting annoyed. "The infirmary is on the other side of the castle and the meeting..."

"Why do I need to go?" You asked. 

"Well Erwin is attending as well and requested both you and Levi be there too."

_Erwin is here? And he wants Levi to attend as well? Will they even allow that?"_

You inwardly groaned this time. You felt like you were being pulled in so many different directions. 

"Okay, okay. Grisha why don't you follow us and you can _check_ after?"

He opened his mouth to reply but Levi was quicker. "No." You whipped your head towards him. You were beyond annoyed now. "You already said Resi checked for a fever this morning and you seem to be fine, you don't need - "

You grabbed his hand and yanked him into your room so hard, you thought you might both fall over. However you regained your balance and slammed the door shut, but not before you caught glimpse of Theo's mouth drop open. 

You had acted without thinking yet again. You weren't concerned about Grisha, and Resi had already caught Levi in your room before, but would Theo say anything? 

_Oh man, if this gets back to Nile_

You let out a loud sigh and took a moment to gather your thoughts. 

I mean, you had been out of options after all. Everybody was talking to you. Or talking **for** you. That was even more annoying. And you couldn't handle them all at once. No, you needed to deal with each situation one at a time. You were going to start with Levi it seemed.

_Levi_

Embarrassment began to overtake you as you looked over at him, then down to your hand. You were still holding onto his tightly. 

But you were surprised, he had not jerked away from your grip. Instead he was looking at you with a blank expression. 

You quickly let go.

Well, if you were going to deal with each situation individually, you'd have to forget about the two in the hallway for the moment. You'd handle Theo later. 

But... now what?

You had dragged Levi in here but now you weren't sure what to say or how to start it. 

"Why are you just staring at me!? It's annoying!" you shouted. 

_Why am I like this?_

"You dragged me i-" he began angrily, but you cut him off.

"I know, I know." Sighing, you ran your hand down your face. Then you walked over to your bed and flopped down on it. You clutched a pillow to your face and let out a small muffled scream. This was just as overwhelming as it was out in the hall. 

"I will be outside for whenever you are done with your tantrum," Levi said coldly, placing his hand on the doorknob. 

"Wait!"

Surprisingly, he stood there with his back towards you and his hand on the door waiting for you to continue.

You sat up and faced him, clutching your pillow. "I'm... sorry."

He turned towards you and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry I'm an annoying brat. I'm sorry I'm so childish. I'm sorry you have to deal wi-"

"Stop." He cut you off. "Self-pity disgusts me."

Even you had to admit that was excessive and repugnant.

"Is that all?" He questioned, scowling at you.

"No... I _am_ sorry." You continued, "I'm sorry I yelled at you last night." 

His expression turned to one of slight annoyance and he looked like he was about to say something, probably that he didn't care, but you weren't going to let him cut you off again. "But you really hurt my feelings Levi." This seemed to be enough to get him to pause.

"I know I was naive and caused a lot of trouble for you yesterday. But I was dealing with some things. And no, Grisha didn't do anything to me. We just... had a painful conversation. I know I shouldn't have run off like that but I wasn't thinking. And despite the fact that I've snuck out many times before, I was - no am - ignorant of the world outside the castle walls. I didn't realize how dangerous it could be." 

The words were just spilling out now. You had so many thoughts running through your head, so much you wanted to say, you were sure it coming out a jumbled mess. 

"I just needed to be by myself I think, I needed to process some things. But Grisha wouldn't intentionally hurt me."

He had, by hiding things from you, but not deliberately. You would have never found out if you hadn't brought up things from the conversation you had overheard. Grisha may be an asshole - having a hidden family and all - but he had never been unkind to you and had always taken care of you. He wasn't all bad... maybe. 

"But I was an idiot." You felt water begin to fill your eyes, thinking about what could have happened yesterday if Levi hadn't shown up. "I'm so thankful for you," you looked up at him, teary eyed. His expression softened.

"If you hadn't been there, I -" you couldn't even finish. You shook your head. 

"I said those horrible things, because the way you were acting hurt my feelings. But I didn't mean them!" 

You clutched the pillow tightly. "I know I'm just a naive little girl, but I don't want you to see me as a problem. I don't want to cause you trouble. I want you to see me as a friend." Tears started to pour over as a fear rose quickly within you, making your heart tighten painfully, and you buried you face into the pillow. 

Your next words were muffled, but he did not miss a single one. "B-because you are my friend, and I don't want to go back to being alone."

It was silent for several minutes, except for the sound of your sobs. You wondered if Levi had left, but did not want to look up to check as that would have made you feel even more miserable. 

"I didn't mean it either," the whisper barely reached your ears. You looked up and saw Levi standing directly in front of you now. He looked... uncomfortable. "So.. please don't.." You looked at him, slightly puzzled. He lifted his hand to your cheek and hovered right in front of it before seemingly changing his mind and dropping his arm back down. 

_Oh_

He was troubled by your crying. 

You began to wipe your tears as he raised his arm again, and you stopped, confused. He awkwardly placed his hand on your head. 

"But I did mean it when I said you are a problem." You bit your bottom lip at his comment. "You are both," he added, ruffling your hair. "My problem and my friend."

You couldn't help the smile from spreading over your face as you looked back up at him, "both is good."


	14. The Nobles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was now only a few steps from you, anger evident on his face. "IT'S COWARDS LIKE YOU, HIDING IN THE WALLS AND NOT CARING FOR ANYONE BUT YOURSELVES, WHO ARE THE WEAK ONES."
> 
> At this, he lifted his arm, his hand curled into a fist. He drew his arm back. 
> 
> "Roderich!" Gerald shouted. 
> 
> He was going to hit you. You did not care, but braced yourself for the impact.

_What an odd assortment we have today._

You looked around the room. There was your father at the head of the table, a disengaged look already on his face. Around him were the typical nobles - Aurille, Deltoff, and Gerald. Another noble, Roderich, was not yet here. And of course there was Zackly, Nile, and Pixis. 

But surprisingly there was no Shadis, only Erwin. Resi had, you assumed, gone back to the servant's quarters or to do some other work and you advised Grisha to wait for you in the infirmary but Nile had also told Theodoric he could stay. What confounded you the most however was that Levi was allowed to stay as well. Theo had said Erwin had requested you both attend but you were surprised Nile had agreed. 

That was, until you realized there was an empty chair next to you. 

"We have a special guest joining us today," Gerald said cheerfully as you took your seat. You had been one of the last ones there of course, with Theodoric and Levi, who were standing behind you towards the back of the room. 

Suddenly Roderich entered, with another man behind him. 

"I apologize for my lateness everyone," he stated as he entered. The man behind him had copper brown hair and amber eyes and appeared quite a bit younger then him, perhaps in his late 20's, you guessed. You had not seen him around the castle or at any of the meetings before. "This is my nephew, Malcolm Lovof."

"You can take the seat next to the princess," Roderich grinned, motioning in your direction and walking to his spot towards the front of the long table. 

You glared at Nile, who refused to look your way as he tried to make conversation with Zackly.

_A suitor._

That asshole. Had he allowed Levi to attend to try to make up for what he knew was going to happen? As a symbol of peace so you would not direct any of your wrath at him?

You were upset though, angry he had not forewarned you. You tried to force him to turn to you by glaring daggers into the side of his stupid head. Yet, he would not relent. 

"I-is there a problem, my lady?" A voice next to you snapped you from your thoughts. 

You looked up at the man and then glanced up at your father and the nobles who were staring at you.

"N-No. I am just feeling a little tired is all," you replied, forcing a smile at him as he took a seat next to you. There wasn't much you could do at the moment. The man smiled back at you and Gerald turned his gaze from you, bringing his attention back to the others at the table. 

"Shall we begin?" Gerald questioned. You stared down at your lap as he began by getting a financial report from each of the military branches. 

It had been a while since a suitor had been brought before you. All of the top nobles were already trying to set you up with one of their family members so that you would marry as soon as you were old enough. This is a decision that would mostly be left up to your father and the nobles but you could say if you had a preference from the choices they gave you. But most nobles were arrogant, and annoying. You hated the narcissism that was rampant among them and the way they believed they were so superior to everyone else. 

_Malcolm Lovof._

You glanced over at him briefly. That would make him the son of Nicholas Lovof. You had never met the man personally but knew he was one of the worst, and very anti survey corps. Though that was not unusual you thought to yourself, momentarily flickering your eyes to Erwin. You turned your glance back to Malcolm. 

_He is likely akin to his father._

You tuned out of the rest of the meeting as you let your mind wander, feeling a sting of sorrow at this life you could not escape. 

**********

The sound of chairs moving brought you back to your surroundings. Pixis, Zackly, and a couple of the nobles were getting up to leave. 

_It's over already?_

You had zoned out for the entirety of the meeting. The man next to you stood up as well. "It was a pleasure finally meeting you my lady," he said to you, smiling again. 

You stared up at him, but did not respond, still a bit lost in your thoughts. 

A sharp cough from the the front the table snapped you back to attention. You stood up, "My apologies - it was nice to meet you too," you mumbled. 

"I do hope to see you again, hopefully not in such a drearily boring meeting," he said, winking at you. You saw Gerald scowl at his comment and you couldn't help but crack a smile at him (something Roderich did not miss). Maybe he wasn't as bad as the others. He grabbed your hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. You shifted a bit. This wasn't an unusual act, especially from suitors, but you were still a bit uncomfortable.

He bowed at you and took his leave, following Zackly, Pixis, and the nobles. All that remained now were Gerald, Roderich, your father, Nile, Levi, Theo, and for some reason Erwin, who had been taking an awfully long time sorting through a few documents but briefly locked eyes with you. Did he want to talk to you?

No sooner had Malcolm walked out the door then Roderich turned his full attention to you. 

"So princess, what did you think? Not at stiff as any of Deltoff's sons or anyone the others have brought before you right?"

"Uh yes, I suppose.." you said.

"Yes, yes," he continued happily. "And he did fit in quite well here. Didn't he look like he belonged at the hea- at this table?" he added, catching himself. "Yes, I do think you both would be a good fit, wouldn't you agree princess? Couldn't you see him being a great husband? Would you like Malcolm to be your husband?"

"Oh, um... perhaps," you mumbled, shifting a bit nervously at his intensity. 

Your hesitation seemed to offend him. "Perhaps?"

"I just mean..." you trailed off. You felt all the eyes on you now.

Roderich looked at you questioningly. "I mean that's a bit tough to decide right now, I only just met him and I don't know him well enough yet."

"Well enough? What else is there to know? He comes from a very good family, he is very highly educated."

"I - I..." you shifted again. Why was he doing this now with everyone around? It was embarrassing. "I know but that isn't enough to tell if I could...," you looked down at the ground and your voice became very quiet, "...love him". 

It fell silent. You continued to stare nervously at the ground, before you heard an obnoxious snicker. You looked up at your father, who was sneering at you. 

"Love?" he questioned. Roderich and Gerald were both staring at you slightly shocked, but suddenly no one else in that room mattered. All you could focus on was your father, who hardly ever glanced at you, let alone spoke to you, looking at you with such an amused yet mocking expression.

"Y-yes," you stumbled, a small bubble of discomfort and anger forming in your stomach. 

"Pathetic."

"It's no-!" you started.

"Love," he interjected, "is a fairy tale made up by poor people." He sneered, "it's an illusion they create to feel better about themselves and their miserable lives." You clenched your fists. "And as an excuse to make up for their ugly spouses. Saying they are in love, looks and money don't matter. It's only because they cannot have those things. They had to create something to make themselves feel better."

Roderich chuckled, "Yes princess, your father is right. People who think they are in love are weak fools. They do stupid things, even going so far as risking their lives in the name of love. Yet, the person they claim to love could decide to 'love' someone else at any moment and leave. Or die, perhaps by getting eaten by one of those nasty titans," he added looking at Erwin, who had finally stood and began to leave. "Love makes humans stupid, and weak."

_Levi sighed. “That’s how it is in this world. Whether by death or by choice, everybody leaves.”_

"You're wrong," you said quietly, but your whole body was shaking with anger. 

"Excuse me?" Roderich questioned, walking towards you. 

"I SAID YOU'RE WRONG!" You shouted this time. You jumped up on the table, as he got closer to you, so you were now a bit taller than him. 

"HUMANS ARE **NOT** WEAK BECAUSE THEY LOVE. YES, PEOPLE CAN LEAVE. PEOPLE CAN DIE AT ANY MOMENT. THAT MAKES PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE TO LOVE **STRONG** NOT WEAK. PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE TO LOVE KNOWING THE PAIN THEY WILL FEEL IF THEY ARE LEFT OR THEY LOSE THOSE THEY CARE ABOUT ARE BRAVE." He was now only a few steps from you, anger evident on his face. "IT'S COWARDS LIKE YOU, HIDING IN THE WALLS AND NOT CARING FOR ANYONE BUT YOURSELVES, WHO ARE THE WEAK ONES."

At this, he lifted his arm, his hand curled into a fist. He drew his arm back. 

"Roderich!" Gerald shouted. 

He was going to hit you. You did not care, but braced yourself for the impact. 

Suddenly you felt you feet being lifted from the table and you were turned around. Before you could contemplate what was happening, you were dangling upside down, your face even with the small of someone's back. 

"I do apologize," you heard Levi's voice. He had flung you over his shoulder. "It seems the princess is due for her nap. She must not have gotten enough sleep last night. You know how children are when it's nap time."

"I am not a ch-!" you started, but he shifted you roughly, making your face slam into his lower back. It appeared to hurt you more then it did him, as he did not even flinch. 

"If you do not mind we will be taking our leave now. It is clear the princess needs some juice and sleep." 

You opened your mouth to retort but Levi was already ahead of you and pinched the back of your thigh. You bit your tongue to avoid letting out a pained squeak.

"Yes, please escort the princess back to her room," you heard Gerald reply when no one else spoke. 

Levi turned, and left the room, carrying you over his shoulder like a child. Erwin, who had been at the door moved aside to let him pass, and followed out behind you.

"You - you may take your leave as well, Theodoric," a shocked Nile stumbled out, speaking for the first time.

He nodded, and quickly left as well, closing the door behind him. 

You hit Levi on the back with your fists telling him to let you down as he carried you through the castle halls, Erwin and Theo following behind. "Put me down! I said put me down, stupid!"

Once you had gotten far enough from the room for his liking, he dropped you. You, not expecting it, landed hard on your bottom. 

"Ow! That hurt, jerk." You rubbed your butt as you stood back up.

"What? You said to put you down," Levi said mockingly. 

You rolled your eyes at him. 

"By the way don't _ever_ make me apologize to a noble monkey like that again, brat" he added.

" _Make you?_ I didn't make you do anything! I didn't care if he hit me. You shouldn't have apologized to him, pansy."

Levi scoffed at you but didn't reply. 

Feeling them staring at you, you turned your attention towards the others. Theo looked flustered. But Erwin, as usual, was hard for you to read. 

"Where is Shadis?" you asked Erwin.

"He is busy preparing for our upcoming expedition beyond the walls."

"Ah," was the only response you gave. "Are you okay Theodoric?"

"Yes! Are you my lady?!" He asked, exasperated. "He - he really almost punched you!"

Always so impassioned, but there was genuine concern in his bright green eyes. 

"I'm fine," you replied, sighing. 

"I'm sorry..." Theo said softly. You looked up, confused. You expected to meet his gaze, but he was not looking at you. 

He was looking at Levi. 

Levi turned to him, "what, military pig?"

Theo clicked his tongue but continued. 

"I said I'm sorry. For calling you scum and talking down to you. I thought you may have been - well it doesn't matter. I judged you too quickly and I'm sorry. Thank you for protecting our princess."

You gaped at Theo, surprised and pleased. When no response came you turned to Levi, who clearly did not know what to say.

"Tsk, I don't need your apologizes or thank you's. It is my job to protect the brat." Theo was about to retort at his last comment but you gave Levi a sharp glare. "But I accept, I don't have any particular ill will towards you even if you are a military pig," he added begrudgingly.

Theo clicked his tongue again but did not say anything else. 

"Well, I need to be getting to the infirmary," you said. "My doctor is still waiting for me. Levi you should go take a rest though, have you slept at all lately?"

You had kept him quite busy the past 24 hours. 

"I'm fine," he replied. "Besides, I cannot let you go wandering off alone."

"Theodoric can accompany me, you need to get at least some sleep." 

He looked as though he was about to argue back, but decided against it. 

"Yes, _your highness_." You once again rolled your eyes at him, as he turned and left. 

You watched as he disappeared down the hall. 

"By the way, is there something you needed?" You heard Theo ask. You turned to look at him and Erwin. Ah, yes Erwin was still here as well. 

"I was hoping to check with the princess on the progress of something." Erwin stopped, examining you. 

Theo looked at Erwin, waiting for him to continue.

"I - was kind of hoping to talk to the princess alone." Theo raised his eyebrow suspiciously. "Well, never mind," he added. "I have seen enough of what I came here to check on. I was just hoping for some additional feedback."

"Well then, shall we go princess?" Theo asked. 

You nodded, not wanting to say anything too incriminating in front of Theo. You both began walking down the hallway, passing Erwin. After getting several feet past him, you whirled around. "Hey Erwin?"

He turned his attention towards you. "Did you know he loves tea?" You smiled at him. 

He smirked and nodded his understanding at you, and you spun back around, continuing your way to the infirmary.


End file.
